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vers_iq
Apprentice
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Joined: 18 May 2002
Posts: 264

PostPosted: Sat Aug 31, 2002 8:35 pm    Post subject: Hear Me Out Reply with quote

I'm bored, hear me out.

ATTENTION, This is the Captain speaking. We have lost all power and are 300 miles out to sea. We're too far out to glide in anywhere and when we hit the water, the impact will kill us all. I suggest you use the time you have left to make peace with your Maker.

"Like hell!" And with this comment, a statuesque woman in the rear of the plane stands up and strips naked. "I want to know if there's a man on this plane who can make me feel like a real woman before I die!"

And from the front of the plane a man stands and says, "I can." He walks back to the woman and takes off his shirt and pants and throws them at her.

"Here" he says, "Iron these!


Last edited by vers_iq on Sun Sep 01, 2002 10:04 pm; edited 1 time in total
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rac
Bodhisattva
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Joined: 30 May 2002
Posts: 6553
Location: Japanifornia

PostPosted: Sat Aug 31, 2002 10:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I don't normally move things already in discussion forums, but Gentoo Chat to Off the Wall.
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vers_iq
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Joined: 18 May 2002
Posts: 264

PostPosted: Sun Sep 01, 2002 9:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Another one.
A young lady is driving through Alaska when her car starts sputtering and spewing. So she pulls into a little town and finds a mechanic. The mechanic tells her he'll take a look at it and that the young lady can get a bite to eat at the diner across the street while he's busy. So she goes and eats and finally comes back to the garage.

"Well," the mechanic says "it looks like you've blown a seal."

"Nah," she says wiping her mouth, "that's just mayonnaise."
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vers_iq
Apprentice
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Joined: 18 May 2002
Posts: 264

PostPosted: Sun Sep 01, 2002 10:03 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

OK, this is a nice one,

So there's this engineer who dies and finds himself in hell. He's a little bit bent out of shape about it at first, but eventually comes to terms with it. He looks around and decides that the place could use a little fixing-up.

...Sometime later God gives The Devil a call and he askes, "So how are things going down there in hell?"

The devil replies, "Oh, great! We've got running water, bridges everywhere, an Internet connection, and even an air conditioning system in place! It's all thanks to this engineer who showed up a little while back."

So God says, "Wait a minute, you have an engineer? There must have been some mistake, he belongs with us. Send him up here at once!"

"No way!" the devil says.

So God says, "Give him back or I'll sue!"

The devil replies, "Yeah? And where are you going to find a lawyer?"
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vers_iq
Apprentice
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Joined: 18 May 2002
Posts: 264

PostPosted: Mon Sep 02, 2002 2:17 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

A teenager asks his father, "Dad, what exactly is politics?"

His father thinks for a moment and replies, "Son, let's say I am the economy, because I earn money. The housekeeper, she's the working class. Your mother's the government and your little baby sister is the future. You yourself are the common people. Now take everything together - that's politics."

Dissatisfied and bewildered by the answer, the teen goes through the house contemplating. On his way, he sees that his baby sister's diapers needed changing. He wanted to tell his mother and went to the parent's bedroom, but found his mother sleeping. In the cellar, he then saw his father getting busy with the housekeeper.

Next day, the kid goes to his father and proclaims: "Dad! Now I understand what politics is! The future's full of shit, and the economy fucks the workers while the government sleeps. And the people - they don't understand anything!".
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vers_iq
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Joined: 18 May 2002
Posts: 264

PostPosted: Mon Sep 02, 2002 2:27 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

One day a pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to his crotch. So the bartender says to him, "You know you have a steering wheel attached to your crotch?"

And the pirate says, "Arrgh it's driving me nuts!"
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pjp
Administrator
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Joined: 16 Apr 2002
Posts: 18123

PostPosted: Mon Sep 02, 2002 3:39 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

What does the title "Hear me out" have to do with the posts?

Descriptive titles are a Good Thing ;)
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masseya
Bodhisattva
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Joined: 17 Apr 2002
Posts: 2602
Location: Baltimore, MD

PostPosted: Tue Sep 03, 2002 6:41 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

rac wrote:
I don't normally move things already in discussion forums, but Gentoo Chat to Off the Wall.

That just about sums it all up for me. When I see things like this online I realize it's time to go to bed. :)
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if i never take a risk, i stay where i am..
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