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Muso
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PostPosted: Thu Sep 24, 2015 2:11 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

pjp wrote:
Bones McCracker wrote:
Old School wrote:
A Republican and a Democrat were walking down the street when they encountered a homeless man. The Republican gave the guy $20 and his business card and told the homeless man to come apply for a job.

The Democrat was so impressed, when they happened by a second homeless man, the Democrat reached into the Republican's pocket, took out $100 and gave the homeless man $20.

ftfy
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:


:lol:

Yes, that is a definite improvement.
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o'bogamol
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PostPosted: Mon Nov 09, 2015 12:14 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Frankly Autocorrect, I'm getting really tired of your shirt.
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Bones McCracker
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PostPosted: Sat Nov 21, 2015 2:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and let the other know if there is an afterlife.

After a long life together, Frank was the first to die. True to his word, he made the first contact: "Kris, Kris, can
you hear me?"

"Is that you, Frank?"

"Yes, I've come back like we agreed."

"That's wonderful! What's it like?"

"Well, I get up in the morning, have sex. then off to the golf course. Then I have sex again, lie out in the sun, then have sex a couple more times. Then I have lunch (and Kris, you'd be proud -- lots of greens). Another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon. After supper, it's back to the golf course again, then more sex until late at night. Then, I catch some much needed sleep and it starts all over again the next day."

"Oh, Frank! Are you in Heaven?"

"No, I was reincarnated as a rabbit somewhere in Arizona."
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o'bogamol
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 15, 2015 10:20 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yesterday, scientists found that beer contains small traces of female hormones.

To prove their theory, they fed one hundred men twelve pints of beer and observed that 100% of them started talking nonsense and couldn't drive.





In further tests subjects will be given Hoochie Cootchie or Stanky Snatch Stout.
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Navar
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 22, 2015 7:13 am    Post subject: Energyman made me do this Reply with quote

Ole, Sven and Lars die in a tragic Lutefisk accident. They are met by God on the stairway to heaven.

God says, "There are 3,000 steps to heaven. It's very serious up there. I'll tell you a joke on each 1,000th step you reach. If you laugh you go to hell."

So they start walking and reach to the first 1,000th step. God tells a joke, Lars laughs out loud and goes straight to hell. Ole and Sven look at each other nervously.

On the 2,000th step God tells another joke, Sven tries his best but laughs and goes to straight to hell.

On the 3,000th step God tells the last and best joke, Ole doesn't laugh and proceeds to the gate.

Suddenly, Ole bursts out laughing hysterically. God asks, "What are you laughing about?".

Ole replies, "Oh dat's funny. I yust got da first yoke!".
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notageek
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 22, 2015 3:33 pm    Post subject: Re: Energyman made me do this Reply with quote

Navar wrote:
Ole, Sven and Lars die in a tragic Lutefisk accident. They are met by God on the stairway to heaven.

God says, "There are 3,000 steps to heaven. It's very serious up there. I'll tell you a joke on each 1,000th step you reach. If you laugh you go to hell."

So they start walking and reach to the first 1,000th step. God tells a joke, Lars laughs out loud and goes straight to hell. Ole and Sven look at each other nervously.

On the 2,000th step God tells another joke, Sven tries his best but laughs and goes to straight to hell.

On the 3,000th step God tells the last and best joke, Ole doesn't laugh and proceeds to the gate.

Suddenly, Ole bursts out laughing hysterically. God asks, "What are you laughing about?".

Ole replies, "Oh dat's funny. I yust got da first yoke!".
What's your point?
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notageek
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 22, 2015 3:35 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Bones McCracker wrote:
A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and let the other know if there is an afterlife.

After a long life together, Frank was the first to die. True to his word, he made the first contact: "Kris, Kris, can
you hear me?"

"Is that you, Frank?"

"Yes, I've come back like we agreed."

"That's wonderful! What's it like?"

"Well, I get up in the morning, have sex. then off to the golf course. Then I have sex again, lie out in the sun, then have sex a couple more times. Then I have lunch (and Kris, you'd be proud -- lots of greens). Another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon. After supper, it's back to the golf course again, then more sex until late at night. Then, I catch some much needed sleep and it starts all over again the next day."

"Oh, Frank! Are you in Heaven?"

"No, I was reincarnated as a rabbit somewhere in Arizona."


Your joke is tantamount to cultural misappropriation.
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Last edited by notageek on Tue Dec 22, 2015 5:33 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Old School
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 22, 2015 5:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

It's a micro aggression directed at a historically oppressed people.

Shameless.
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Bones McCracker
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 22, 2015 9:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I have become a master of ze microaggressions.
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Old School
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 22, 2015 11:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Stop invading our Safe Zone, you insensitive clod, or I will report your hate speech to pjp.
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desultory
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PostPosted: Wed Dec 23, 2015 4:54 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Old School wrote:
Stop invading our Safe Zone, you insensitive clod, or I will report your hate speech to pjp.
Just be sure to use the subject line "Swallow before reading", no need to ruin laughing it off by forcing him to clean his keyboard, and possibly other various and sundry accessories.
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Old School
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PostPosted: Wed Dec 23, 2015 5:45 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

desultory wrote:
Old School wrote:
Stop invading our Safe Zone, you insensitive clod, or I will report your hate speech to pjp.
Just be sure to use the subject line "Swallow before reading", no need to ruin laughing it off by forcing him to clean his keyboard, and possibly other various and sundry accessories.

We need some muscle over here.
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Navar
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PostPosted: Wed Dec 23, 2015 8:12 am    Post subject: Re: Energyman made me do this Reply with quote

notageek wrote:
What's your point?

It's an Ole but a goodie.
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Bones McCracker
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PostPosted: Wed Dec 23, 2015 6:37 pm    Post subject: Re: Energyman made me do this Reply with quote

Navar wrote:
notageek wrote:
What's your point?

It's an Ole but a goodie.

And?
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desultory
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 24, 2015 4:58 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Bones McCracker wrote:
And?
Perhaps the point is that both age and quality are subjective.
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Bones McCracker
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 24, 2015 5:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

You say that age and quality are subjective. How do you feel about that?
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o'bogamol
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 24, 2015 6:09 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hey! Tell a joke or get out!!! :x




:D :wink:
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flysideways
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 24, 2015 6:39 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

What did the sadist say to the masochist?
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notageek
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 24, 2015 6:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

No.
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PostPosted: Fri Dec 25, 2015 1:16 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

A sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a necrophile, a zoophile and a pyromaniac are all sitting on a bench in a mental institution. "Let's have sex with a cat?" asked the zoophile. "Let's have sex with the cat and then torture it," says the sadist. "Let's have sex with the cat, torture it and then kill it," shouted the murderer. "Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it and then have sex with it again," said the necrophile. "Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it, have sex with it again and then burn it," said the pyromaniac. There was silence, and then the masochist said: "Meow."
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PostPosted: Fri Dec 25, 2015 2:51 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Q: What do Santa's elves like to do on the weekend?

A: Chill out.
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o'bogamol
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PostPosted: Fri Dec 25, 2015 4:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

What did the Gingerbread man make his bed with?

Cookie sheets!
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PostPosted: Fri Dec 25, 2015 5:12 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dirty Johnny climbs onto Santa's lap at the department store. Santa says, "I'll bet I know what you want for Christmas." And with his index finger he taps the boy on the nose with every letter he spells, "T-O-Y-S."

The little boy answers, "No, I have enough toys."

Santa tries again, tapping Johnny's nose with every letter, "C-A-N-D-Y."

Again, Johnny says, "No, I have all kinds of candy."

"Well, what would you like for Christmas?" Santa asks.

Johnny replies, tapping Santa on the nose, "P-U-S-S-Y. And don't tell me you don't have any because I can smell it on your finger!"
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 26, 2015 12:08 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Request: looking for one from a few years back. Something about the implied grandness of the holidays... over the days... and then the reality.
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o'bogamol
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 26, 2015 10:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Don't know it, or didn't get it. Sorry.
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