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sikpuppy
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PostPosted: Sun Jul 28, 2013 6:45 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

A blind man walked into a bar.
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notageek
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PostPosted: Sun Jul 28, 2013 6:54 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Muso wrote:
The officer asked, "You drinking?"

I asked, "Are you buying?"

We just laughed and laughed... I need bail money.
:lol: :lol:
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pjp
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PostPosted: Sun Jul 28, 2013 7:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Muso wrote:
The officer asked, "You drinking?"

I asked, "Are you buying?"

We just laughed and laughed... I need bail money.
lol
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Bones McCracker
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PostPosted: Sun Jul 28, 2013 8:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

:lol:
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Muso
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PostPosted: Tue Jul 30, 2013 6:03 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello"

WOMAN: "Hi Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes."

WOMAN: "I'm at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $2,000; is it OK if I buy it?"

MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN:"I also stopped by the Lexus dealership and saw the new models. I saw one I really liked."

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "$90,000."

MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing... I was just talking to Janie and found out that the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $980,000 for it."

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and make an offer of $900,000. They'll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra eighty-thousand if it's what you really want."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!"

MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open.

He turns and asks, "Anyone know whose phone this is?"
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Mardok45
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PostPosted: Tue Jul 30, 2013 6:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I tried coming up with some music analogies:

How is Led Zeppelin like sex with your mate? It's so awesome at first, and later becomes familiar and comfortable.

How is Modest Mouse like butt sex? It's extremely uncomfortable and annoying at first, and later you just get used to it.
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Bones McCracker
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PostPosted: Tue Jul 30, 2013 7:27 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Muso wrote:
He turns and asks, "Anyone know whose phone this is?"

:lol: :lol:
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notageek
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PostPosted: Tue Jul 30, 2013 7:35 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

:lol: :lol:
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Bones McCracker
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PostPosted: Tue Jul 30, 2013 7:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Mardok45 wrote:
How is Modest Mouse like butt sex? It's extremely uncomfortable and annoying at first, and later you just get used to it.

Or so you hear.
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Mardok45
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PostPosted: Tue Jul 30, 2013 8:08 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

BoneKracker wrote:
Mardok45 wrote:
How is Modest Mouse like butt sex? It's extremely uncomfortable and annoying at first, and later you just get used to it.

Or so you hear.

Do you know?
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Bones McCracker
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PostPosted: Tue Jul 30, 2013 9:07 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Mardok45 wrote:
BoneKracker wrote:
Mardok45 wrote:
How is Modest Mouse like butt sex? It's extremely uncomfortable and annoying at first, and later you just get used to it.

Or so you hear.

Do you know?

You're telling me you take it up the ass, and often enough that you're used to it. Okay. That's your business. :lol:
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Mardok45
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PostPosted: Tue Jul 30, 2013 9:17 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

BoneKracker wrote:
Mardok45 wrote:
BoneKracker wrote:
Mardok45 wrote:
How is Modest Mouse like butt sex? It's extremely uncomfortable and annoying at first, and later you just get used to it.

Or so you hear.

Do you know?

You're telling me you take it up the ass, and often enough that you're used to it. Okay. That's your business. :lol:


You're goddamned right it's my own damned business!






*fapfapfapfapfap*
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Muso
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PostPosted: Thu Aug 01, 2013 7:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I rear-ended a car this morning...the start of a REALLY bad day!

The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!!
He looked up at me and said 'I am NOT Happy!'
So I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?'

That's how the fight started.
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Bones McCracker
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PostPosted: Thu Aug 01, 2013 11:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

:lol:
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notageek
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PostPosted: Fri Aug 02, 2013 4:19 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Okay this takes some time but :lol:
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Bones McCracker
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PostPosted: Fri Aug 02, 2013 5:30 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

notageek wrote:
Okay this takes some time but :lol:

Actually, it's commendable that you got it.
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notageek
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PostPosted: Fri Aug 02, 2013 5:35 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

:roll:
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bogamol
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PostPosted: Mon Aug 05, 2013 10:30 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

An Airbus passenger plane is crashing. A female passenger frantically disrobes and exclaims, "if I am going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman. Is there anyone on this plane that is man enough to do that?"

A man stands up and removes his shirt, "here iron this."
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Juniper wrote:
I fail to see the relevance.
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Bones McCracker
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 06, 2013 1:24 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

The Pope Goes to Alaska

The Pope went on vacation for a few days to visit the rugged mountains of Alaska. He was driving along the campground when he heard a frantic commotion just at the edge of the woods. He found a helpless Democrat wearing shorts, sandals, a Vote for Obama hat and a Save the Trees shirt. The man was screaming and struggling frantically, thrashing all about and trying to free himself from the grasp of a 10-foot grizzly bear.

As the Pope watched in horror, a group of Republican loggers wearing "Drill, Baby, Drill!" shirts came racing out of the woods. One quickly fired a .44 magnum slug right into the bear's chest. The two other men pulled the semiconscious Democrat from the bear's grasp. Then, using baseball bats, the three loggers finished off the bear. Two of the men dragged the dead grizzly onto the bed of their pickup truck while the other tenderly placed the injured Democrat in the back seat.

As they began to leave, the Pope summoned all of them over to him. "I give you my blessing for your brave actions!" he proudly proclaimed. "I have heard there was bitter hatred between Republican loggers and Democrat environmental activists, but now I've seen with my own eyes that this is not true."

As the Pope drove off, one logger asked his buddies, "Who the hell was that guy?"

"Dude, that was the Pope," another replied. "He's in direct contact with Heaven and has access to all wisdom."

"Well," the logger said, "he may have access to all wisdom, but he don't know shit about bear hunting!"
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Muso
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 06, 2013 1:44 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

bogamol wrote:
An Airbus passenger plane is crashing. A female passenger frantically disrobes and exclaims, "if I am going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman. Is there anyone on this plane that is man enough to do that?"

A man stands up and removes his shirt, "here iron this."


:lol: :lol: :lol:

Also a good LOL from BK's.
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Muso
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PostPosted: Sat Aug 10, 2013 4:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Louisiana State University .

On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee, inspected the elephants foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.

The elephant turned to face the man and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned and walked away. Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter could not help wondering if this was the same elephant. Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.

Probably wasn't the same elephant.
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Bones McCracker
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PostPosted: Sat Aug 10, 2013 9:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

:lol:
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pjp
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PostPosted: Mon Aug 12, 2013 11:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Michael Savage Plays The Best of Jay Leno Attacking Barack Obama and Commentary

Depending on how twisted your sense of humor is, the commentary is also funny.
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Muso
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 13, 2013 5:26 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

pjp wrote:
Michael Savage Plays The Best of Jay Leno Attacking Barack Obama and Commentary

Depending on how twisted your sense of humor is, the commentary is also funny.


I'm glad he did that. It was good.
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Drasica
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 13, 2013 8:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs at your front door?

Matt

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs at in your pool?

Bob

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pile of leave?

Russel

What do you call a woman with one leg?

Eileen.

Where does she work?

IHOP.
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