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Naib
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PostPosted: Sun Apr 06, 2008 12:15 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

A Blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde.

The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. 'What does it look like?" she finally asked.

The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it."

The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. "Here it is," she said.

The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."
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AmberGFace
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PostPosted: Sun Apr 06, 2008 4:23 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

cokehabit wrote:
Q. How do you get a faggot to shag a woman?

A. Shit in her cunt


8O ... :? ... 8O

zomg
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Naib
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PostPosted: Sun Apr 06, 2008 5:13 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

A farmer in somerset was trying to grow a field of dildos, but he was having troubles with squatters.
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NotQuiteSane
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PostPosted: Mon Jul 28, 2008 6:51 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

let's see if i get a bite.


do you know how a blond get's pregnant?
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poly_poly-man
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PostPosted: Mon Jul 28, 2008 6:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

NotQuiteSane wrote:
let's see if i get a bite.


do you know how a blond get's pregnant?


does she know? 8O

poly-p man
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NotQuiteSane
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PostPosted: Mon Jul 28, 2008 7:07 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

poly_poly-man wrote:
NotQuiteSane wrote:
let's see if i get a bite.


do you know how a blond get's pregnant?


does she know? 8O

poly-p man


the question is do you know
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cokey
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PostPosted: Mon Jul 28, 2008 7:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

NotQuiteSane wrote:
let's see if i get a bite.


do you know how a blond get's pregnant?
I dont know, how do you know how a blond get's pregnant?
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McLink
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PostPosted: Mon Jul 28, 2008 7:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

cokehabit wrote:
it is actually the most offensive joke I have ever heard, my mate who earns £20,000 a month told it to me. It is offensive to virtually everyone.

Fucking great isn't it! :lol:
I found it funny, and not in the least offensive (personally). Then again, I'm neither gay nor a woman.
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NotQuiteSane
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PostPosted: Mon Jul 28, 2008 7:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

cokehabit wrote:
NotQuiteSane wrote:
let's see if i get a bite.


do you know how a blond get's pregnant?
I dont know, how do you know how a blond get's pregnant?


man and I thought blonds were stupid ;-)
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Clad in Sky
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PostPosted: Mon Jul 28, 2008 7:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Like every other woman?
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cokey
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PostPosted: Mon Sep 29, 2008 12:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Did you hear about the shoe factory that burnt down?

Two hundred soles were lost.
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lamaistres
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PostPosted: Fri Oct 24, 2008 9:27 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Court Docket 56477-3A

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man
opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another
seat.

This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man
seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out
laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.
The case came up in court. The judge asked the man (about 20 years
old) what he had to say for himself.

The man replied, "Well your Honor, it was like this: When the lady
got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat
under a sign that said: "The Double Mint Twins are coming" and I
grinned. Then she moved and sat under a sign that said: " Logan 's
Liniment will reduce the swelling", and I had to smile. Then she
placed herself under a sign that said: "William's Big Stick Did the
Trick", and I could hardly contain myself. BUT, your Honor, when
she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said: "Goodyear
Rubber could have prevented this Accident"...I just lost it.

"CASE DISMISSED!!"
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Bones McCracker
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PostPosted: Fri Oct 24, 2008 11:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

UPPER PODUNK, SOUTH DAKOTA -- It seemed like a simple experiment. Put a million monkeys in front of a million Linux boxes and see how long it would take for them to generate a Shakespearian play or a useful Perl script.

So far, the project has been a bust. "First, our budget was slashed and we were only able to obtain 12 monkeys," explained scientist Wey Stotime of the University of Northern South Dakota. "And now, after six months of banging away on keyboards and making assorted grunting sounds, our monkeys haven't generated anything worthwhile."

Stotime was dead sure that the monkeys would be able to prepare a valid Perl script within a matter of days. "I mean, the monkeys have no trouble producing line noise, and we all know that Perl is indistinguishable from line noise. Ergo, we should be seeing perfectly good Perl scripts by now."

Preliminary analysis of the monkey's output suggests that the creatures haven't been able to fully utilize the shift key. The dean of the university's Primate Research Center Sponsored By IBM offered a simple explanation: "Without holding the shift key all the time, it's impossible to produce the punctuation characters necessary for Perl code. The monkeys are quite good at yielding [a-z0-9], but we need [~!@#$%^&*|()>_+\"]."

In the next round of the experiment, Stotime hopes to install special keyboards that will make it easier to type punctuation symbols.

"We're going to replace the space bar with the dollar sign and Caps Lock with that strange "equals-tilde" symbol that Perl loves so much. Now our monkeys will produce Perl scripts in no time! We won't have any clue what the scripts do until we actually run them, but that's pretty much true for most Perl code."

UPDATE: Just as this story went to press, we received word that Microsoft plans to sue the Primate Research Center Sponsored By IBM for patent infringement.

"We have been successfully using the Million Monkeys Algorithm(tm) for the last seven years," explained a Microsoft press release. "This was the method used to develop the DRM subsystem in Windows Vista, the world's most talked-about operating system. We will vigorously fight to protect our intellectual property."

http://humorix.org/articles/2007/12/monkeys/
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Bones McCracker
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PostPosted: Sat Oct 25, 2008 1:21 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

And a classic Muhammed cartoon.
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Bones McCracker
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PostPosted: Sat Oct 25, 2008 4:38 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Mac vs. PC Commercial (with Linux): South Park Style
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cokey
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 20, 2008 12:10 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm?

...
...
...
...
...
...
...

being raped
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Chaosite
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 20, 2008 7:10 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

cokehabit wrote:
What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm?

...
...
...
...
...
...
...

being raped


In Israel, this one goes...

What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm inside?
...
...
...
Biting into an apple and finding half a worm inside.

And what's worse than that?
...
...
...
The Holocaust.

And what's worse than that?
...
...
...
Walking to the bathroom at night and hitting your little toe against a corner or something... 'cause man, that just sucks.
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cokey
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 20, 2008 7:19 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Chaosite wrote:
cokehabit wrote:
What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm?

...
...
...
...
...
...
...

being raped


In Israel, this one goes...

What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm inside?
...
...
...
Biting into an apple and finding half a worm inside.

And what's worse than that?
...
...
...
The Holocaust.

And what's worse than that?
...
...
...
Walking to the bathroom at night and hitting your little toe against a corner or something... 'cause man, that just sucks.
:lol:
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Alcap
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 20, 2008 11:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

cokehabit wrote:
Chaosite wrote:
cokehabit wrote:
What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm?

...
...
...
...
...
...
...

being raped


In Israel, this one goes...

What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm inside?
...
...
...
Biting into an apple and finding half a worm inside.

And what's worse than that?
...
...
...
The Holocaust.

And what's worse than that?
...
...
...
Walking to the bathroom at night and hitting your little toe against a corner or something... 'cause man, that just sucks.
:lol:

My parents are knocking on the bathroom door asking why am I laughing so hard :lol:
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shivernz
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 20, 2008 11:17 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

tmafcerqueira wrote:
Quote:
...

My parents are knocking on the bathroom door asking why am I laughing so hard :lol:


lol...
wait, you're reading OTW on the toilet 8O

ewwwwwww
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energyman76b
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 20, 2008 11:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

P M S
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Study finds stunning lack of racial, gender, and economic diversity among middle-class white males

I identify as a dirty penismensch.
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Alcap
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 20, 2008 11:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

shivernz wrote:
tmafcerqueira wrote:
Quote:
...

My parents are knocking on the bathroom door asking why am I laughing so hard :lol:


lol...
wait, you're reading OTW on the toilet 8O

ewwwwwww

read this :lol:
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poly_poly-man
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 21, 2008 12:19 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

energyman76b wrote:
P M S

not really a jokje... seems perfectly legit to me.
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Bones McCracker
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PostPosted: Sun Nov 23, 2008 4:11 pm    Post subject: Dear Meat Reply with quote

A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner.

Both he and his wife decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat it is.

The kids were eager to know what the meat was on their plates, so they begged their dad for a clue. "Well", he said, "It's what mommy calls me sometimes."

They both think about it for a while, and then suddenly the little girl screams to her brother... "Don't eat it, Jimmy! Don't eat it! It's an asshole!"
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McLink
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PostPosted: Sun Nov 23, 2008 4:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

:lol:

But err...
https://forums.gentoo.org/viewtopic-t-13980.html
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