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pjp
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PostPosted: Sat Oct 01, 2016 3:59 am    Post subject: Thread of Jokes volume III Reply with quote

Continued from Jokess.



There was an old woman whose lies,
Were unbound by number or size;
Asked with high office at stake,
What difference does it make?
Expendable were all of their lives.
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Muso
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PostPosted: Sat Oct 01, 2016 4:03 am    Post subject: Re: Thread of Jokes volume III Reply with quote

pjp wrote:
There was an old woman whose lies,
Were unbound by number or size;
Asked with high office at stake,
What difference does it make?
Expendable were all of their lives.


:lol: :lol: :lol:

Shitting in pantsuits and lying... Just Hillary Things
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o'bogamol
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PostPosted: Sat Oct 01, 2016 5:19 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Patrick_neo wrote:
Gascoigne said - Please smile, I cannot see you.

The person attended was a negro. (latin for black)


Photo evidence.
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PostPosted: Sat Oct 01, 2016 11:34 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

o'bogamol wrote:
Patrick_neo wrote:
Gascoigne said - Please smile, I cannot see you.

The person attended was a negro. (latin for black)


Photo evidence.
there isn't any, they didn't have the flash on.
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PostPosted: Sat Nov 05, 2016 2:09 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

If at Birth You Don't Succeed: My Adventures with Disaster and Destiny

:lol:
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PostPosted: Sat Nov 05, 2016 7:27 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I tap on the window & make the "roll window down" gesture. the guy just starts freaking out. not even the flight attendant can calm him down.
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PostPosted: Mon Nov 07, 2016 7:09 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

http://lenadunham.ca/
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PostPosted: Mon Nov 07, 2016 7:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Muso wrote:
http://lenadunham.ca/


Quote:
Requirements for Breeding Cattle Imported from the United States to Canada


:lol: :lol:
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PostPosted: Mon Nov 07, 2016 7:19 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
Feeder Bob Calf Program
:lol: :lol:
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PostPosted: Mon Nov 07, 2016 8:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

o'bogamol wrote:
Patrick_neo wrote:
Gascoigne said - Please smile, I cannot see you.

The person attended was a negro. (latin for black)


Photo evidence.


Photo indeed. Photoshoped much? This dude needed something extra for the effect Gascoigne was going for.
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PostPosted: Tue Nov 29, 2016 6:42 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
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pjp wrote:
The greater evil is voting for the "lesser evil."
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PostPosted: Tue Nov 29, 2016 7:18 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

One can tell a female ant from a male ant by throwing it into water. If it sinks: girl ant. If it floats: buoyant.
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I can't promise to be civil.


pjp wrote:
The greater evil is voting for the "lesser evil."
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PostPosted: Sun Jan 01, 2017 10:37 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?

Put it in the microwave until its Bill Withers
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 02, 2017 8:59 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

BonezTheGoon wrote:
What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

You get a joke rhetorical question sin theta in a direction perpendicular to both

Or was that a rhetorical question? :)
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 02, 2017 1:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

What does a thesaurus have for breakfast?

Synonym rolls.


How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?

Ten. It takes ten tickles to make an octopus laugh.



Teacher: Billy, use the word 'horticulture' in a sentence.

Billy: You can take a horticulture, but can you make her think?
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PostPosted: Sat Jan 21, 2017 4:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Keynes and Krugman are walking down the street when they see two large piles of dog shit.

Keynes says to Krugman, “I’ll pay you $20,000 to eat one of those piles of shit.” Krugman agrees and chooses a pile and eats it. Keynes pays him his $20,000.

Then Krugman, feeling richer, says, “I’ll pay you $20,000 to eat the other pile" Keynes, feeling bad about the money he lost says okay, and eats the shit. Krugman pays him the $20,000.

They resume walking down the street.

After a while, Krugman says, “You know, I don’t feel very good. We both have the same amount of money as when we started. The only difference is we’ve both eaten shit.”

Keynes says: “Ah, but you’re ignoring the fact that we’ve increased the GDP by $40,000.
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PostPosted: Sat Jan 21, 2017 6:25 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Muso wrote:
Keynes says: “Ah, but you’re ignoring the fact that we’ve increased the GDP by $40,000.
:lol: :lol: :lol:

They'd also both be poorer after having paid taxes on the exchange. Krugman pays income tax on $20k, then has to cover that in repayment to Keynes. Keynes then has to pay income tax on the money which was originally his. I don't know if that was part of the joke, but it's at least as good as the obvious part of the joke.
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PostPosted: Tue Jan 24, 2017 3:59 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Muso wrote:
Keynes and Krugman are walking down the street when they see two large piles of dog shit.

Keynes says to Krugman, “I’ll pay you $20,000 to eat one of those piles of shit.” Krugman agrees and chooses a pile and eats it. Keynes pays him his $20,000.

Then Krugman, feeling richer, says, “I’ll pay you $20,000 to eat the other pile" Keynes, feeling bad about the money he lost says okay, and eats the shit. Krugman pays him the $20,000.

They resume walking down the street.

After a while, Krugman says, “You know, I don’t feel very good. We both have the same amount of money as when we started. The only difference is we’ve both eaten shit.”

Keynes says: “Ah, but you’re ignoring the fact that we’ve increased the GDP by $40,000.

Now that's funny. :lol:
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PostPosted: Tue Jan 24, 2017 4:00 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

pjp wrote:
Muso wrote:
Keynes says: “Ah, but you’re ignoring the fact that we’ve increased the GDP by $40,000.
:lol: :lol: :lol:

They'd also both be poorer after having paid taxes on the exchange. Krugman pays income tax on $20k, then has to cover that in repayment to Keynes. Keynes then has to pay income tax on the money which was originally his. I don't know if that was part of the joke, but it's at least as good as the obvious part of the joke.

Hey, you didn't build that!
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PostPosted: Tue Jan 24, 2017 4:45 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Last night, I told the wife when we were getting ready for bed how stressed out I was and that only a blowjob would relax me. She asked me where I was going to find a dick that late at night.
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PostPosted: Tue Jan 24, 2017 5:01 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Old School wrote:
Last night, I told the wife when we were getting ready for bed how stressed out I was and that only a blowjob would relax me. She asked me where I was going to find a dick that late at night.


:lol: :lol: :lol:
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PostPosted: Tue Jan 24, 2017 5:18 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

(Imagine you're a gal...)
Code:
man 2 fork

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PostPosted: Tue Jan 24, 2017 6:14 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Akkara wrote:
(Imagine you're a gal...)
Code:
man 2 fork


Posting a weird reference in a joke thread : $0
Making my inner nerd laugh : Priceless.
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PostPosted: Wed Mar 08, 2017 10:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Have you heard about Israel's new house buying reality programme set in the Gaza Strip? It's called 'Hamas under the Hammer'
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PostPosted: Thu Mar 09, 2017 2:49 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Don't get it.
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