Gentoo Forums
Gentoo Forums
Gentoo Forums
Quick Search: in
Thread of Jokes volume III
View unanswered posts
View posts from last 24 hours

Goto page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6  Next  
Reply to topic    Gentoo Forums Forum Index Off the Wall
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
pjp
Administrator
Administrator


Joined: 16 Apr 2002
Posts: 17503

PostPosted: Tue Apr 25, 2017 7:10 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Split off No Joke: U.N. Elects Saudi Arabia to Women’s Rights Commission.
_________________
It is what it is out there. So whatever it is, it is.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
notageek
Tux's lil' helper
Tux's lil' helper


Joined: 05 Jun 2008
Posts: 131
Location: India

PostPosted: Wed Apr 26, 2017 11:52 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

This is probably old but...

Some humour for Jew
_________________
"Defeat is a state of mind. No one is ever defeated, until defeat has been accepted as a reality." -- Bruce Lee


Last edited by notageek on Sat Apr 29, 2017 12:46 am; edited 1 time in total
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
notageek
Tux's lil' helper
Tux's lil' helper


Joined: 05 Jun 2008
Posts: 131
Location: India

PostPosted: Sat Apr 29, 2017 12:37 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

No sense of humour, humour.
_________________
"Defeat is a state of mind. No one is ever defeated, until defeat has been accepted as a reality." -- Bruce Lee
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
pjp
Administrator
Administrator


Joined: 16 Apr 2002
Posts: 17503

PostPosted: Sat Apr 29, 2017 1:26 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

It's hilarious how many people misuse and/or don't know the meaning of the word racist.
_________________
It is what it is out there. So whatever it is, it is.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Muso
l33t
l33t


Joined: 22 Oct 2002
Posts: 809
Location: The Holy city of Honolulu

PostPosted: Sat Apr 29, 2017 1:46 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

notageek wrote:
No sense of humour, humour.


:lol: :lol: :lol:

That's actually quite funny. They pulled it off well.
_________________
Chemtrails don't actually exist.
The optical illusion of seeing white streaks crisscrossing a blue background in the presence of sunlight is a common hallucination that comes from drinking fluoridated water.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
pjp
Administrator
Administrator


Joined: 16 Apr 2002
Posts: 17503

PostPosted: Sat Apr 29, 2017 4:51 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

New England pro sports has a rich history. Arguably the best shooters are Larry Bird, Phil Esposito and Aaron Hernandez.
_________________
It is what it is out there. So whatever it is, it is.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
frank9999
n00b
n00b


Joined: 20 Feb 2013
Posts: 61
Location: Germany

PostPosted: Tue Jun 06, 2017 1:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/nikki-haley-un-human-rights-council-anti-israel-bias-ambassador-arab-countries-saudi-arabia-a7775381.html

Nikki Haley (US envoy to the UN):
Quote:
Being a member of this council (Human Rights ) is a privilege, and no country who is a human rights violator should be allowed a seat at the table," she said.


:lol:

How about a bit of self-criticism and humility against the crimes and millions of deaths that her country has committed in recent years?
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
pjp
Administrator
Administrator


Joined: 16 Apr 2002
Posts: 17503

PostPosted: Tue Jun 06, 2017 11:10 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

:lol:

Hilarious. That you took that angle and completely ignored the point. Good one.
_________________
It is what it is out there. So whatever it is, it is.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Muso
l33t
l33t


Joined: 22 Oct 2002
Posts: 809
Location: The Holy city of Honolulu

PostPosted: Sun Jul 23, 2017 6:48 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

The bar for homosexuals is a gay bar
The bar for traps is the Ackbar
_________________
Chemtrails don't actually exist.
The optical illusion of seeing white streaks crisscrossing a blue background in the presence of sunlight is a common hallucination that comes from drinking fluoridated water.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Koala Kid
Guru
Guru


Joined: 09 May 2003
Posts: 380

PostPosted: Sun Jul 30, 2017 9:37 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Interviewer: What's your biggest strength?
Me: I'm a fast learner
Interviewer: What's 11*11
Me: 65
Interviewer: Not even close. It's 121
Me: It's 121
_________________
"People are the worst, the worst thing about music is that people play it". M. Patton.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Muso
l33t
l33t


Joined: 22 Oct 2002
Posts: 809
Location: The Holy city of Honolulu

PostPosted: Sun Jul 30, 2017 5:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Koala Kid wrote:
Interviewer: What's your biggest strength?
Me: I'm a fast learner
Interviewer: What's 11*11
Me: 65
Interviewer: Not even close. It's 121
Me: It's 121


:lol: :lol: :lol:

Variation :

Interviewer : What's your biggest weakness?
Me : My honesty.
Interviewer : That doesn't sound like a weakness.
Me : I don't give a shit what you think.
_________________
Chemtrails don't actually exist.
The optical illusion of seeing white streaks crisscrossing a blue background in the presence of sunlight is a common hallucination that comes from drinking fluoridated water.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Koala Kid
Guru
Guru


Joined: 09 May 2003
Posts: 380

PostPosted: Sun Jul 30, 2017 9:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Muso wrote:
Koala Kid wrote:
Interviewer: What's your biggest strength?
Me: I'm a fast learner
Interviewer: What's 11*11
Me: 65
Interviewer: Not even close. It's 121
Me: It's 121


:lol: :lol: :lol:

Variation :

Interviewer : What's your biggest weakness?
Me : My honesty.
Interviewer : That doesn't sound like a weakness.
Me : I don't give a shit what you think.


:lol: :lol:

There's a russian version:

Patient: Doctor, people don't seem to notice me.
Shrink: Next patient, please!
_________________
"People are the worst, the worst thing about music is that people play it". M. Patton.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
patrix_neo
Guru
Guru


Joined: 08 Jan 2004
Posts: 474
Location: The Maldives

PostPosted: Wed Aug 23, 2017 7:00 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

A lame one:

Any time I have a date nowadays is when I write it in a console and hit Enter.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
SiberianSniper
Guru
Guru


Joined: 06 Apr 2006
Posts: 362
Location: Dayton, OH, USA

PostPosted: Wed Aug 23, 2017 8:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Another bad one:

Why does the Norwegian navy put bar codes their ships?

So when they return to port, they can Scandinavian.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
patrix_neo
Guru
Guru


Joined: 08 Jan 2004
Posts: 474
Location: The Maldives

PostPosted: Wed Aug 23, 2017 9:20 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

SiberianSniper wrote:
Another bad one:

Why does the Norwegian navy put bar codes their ships?

So when they return to port, they can Scandinavian.


Scan the navy? A-hah! You passed the test. Welcome to the losers lounge. :)
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
SiberianSniper
Guru
Guru


Joined: 06 Apr 2006
Posts: 362
Location: Dayton, OH, USA

PostPosted: Thu Aug 24, 2017 2:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

patrix_neo wrote:
Welcome to the losers lounge. :)

Oh, I can do worse....

A cold dog bites the hand that feeds it, while a hot dog feeds the hand that bites it.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
notageek
Tux's lil' helper
Tux's lil' helper


Joined: 05 Jun 2008
Posts: 131
Location: India

PostPosted: Fri Sep 01, 2017 3:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sense of humour on the job: Exhibit A
_________________
"Defeat is a state of mind. No one is ever defeated, until defeat has been accepted as a reality." -- Bruce Lee
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
patrix_neo
Guru
Guru


Joined: 08 Jan 2004
Posts: 474
Location: The Maldives

PostPosted: Fri Sep 01, 2017 8:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

We need less this URL thing here in ( my best wishes).

A person, lets call him Gail. Works at Volvo Cars in the -80s.
An easy target man, he is.
As far as I know it started with a paper cup of coffee.
"They" made a hole in the bottom and when he raised it...
Then, frisky as he felt, he wanted to get back at them.
He did the same to them and felt all smartassery. "They" were prepared and had their own cups at the time.
FAIL.
And once, totally unrelated of this, he went to the central trainstation to waive of his family, going for the big town of Stockholm.
Hahahaa...this is too funny...
He ran, waiving at them as they did too, by the window of the train wagon.
Then he hit a pole and fainted.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Muso
l33t
l33t


Joined: 22 Oct 2002
Posts: 809
Location: The Holy city of Honolulu

PostPosted: Fri Sep 01, 2017 8:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Former Conservative Recalls Belittling Tirade From College Student That Brought Him Over To Left

Quote:
Explaining how the string of personal insults and sharply worded accusations caused him to reevaluate every one of his political leanings, former conservative Vincent Welsh recalled for reporters Friday the belittling tirade from a college student that brought him over to the left.

“It was last October and I’d just mentioned my support for a Republican congressional candidate on Twitter when this 19-year-old responded by telling me I was an ignorant asshole who hated the poor and that I was everything that was wrong with the world, and it just completely opened my eyes to how incorrect my whole worldview was,” said Welsh, fondly recounting how the sophomore sociology major converted him to liberalism on the spot by calling him a hateful bigot and saying he was too much of a “brainwashed puppet” of corporate interests to know what was best for him, instantaneously invalidating the 56 years of individual thought and life experience that had led him to his previous political beliefs.

“I remember how he said anyone who didn’t support Scandinavian-style social policies was nothing more than a greedy capitalist leech and I was just like, ‘Wow, yes, that makes total sense.’ And then when he called me a fascist piece of shit and condescendingly asked if I’d ever once looked up from my copy of Atlas Shrugged, that was the moment I saw what a complete fool I’d been and knew I had to reject all my political positions and adopt his ideology in total.” Welsh then expressed his deep gratitude that the young man had even stopped to direct the series of derogatory tweets at him in the first place, saying he would likely still be a “money-grubbing racist shithead who spends all day sucking the Koch brothers’ dicks” if not for the magnanimous individual.

_________________
Chemtrails don't actually exist.
The optical illusion of seeing white streaks crisscrossing a blue background in the presence of sunlight is a common hallucination that comes from drinking fluoridated water.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
patrix_neo
Guru
Guru


Joined: 08 Jan 2004
Posts: 474
Location: The Maldives

PostPosted: Fri Sep 01, 2017 8:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

More norwegian then...It's unfair. Like you can choose or stuff. Once you like rules, and suddenly you make a U-turn and make a frikkin may 17!

Last edited by patrix_neo on Fri Sep 01, 2017 8:46 pm; edited 2 times in total
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Muso
l33t
l33t


Joined: 22 Oct 2002
Posts: 809
Location: The Holy city of Honolulu

PostPosted: Fri Sep 01, 2017 8:44 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

patrix_neo wrote:
More norwegian then...


:lol: :lol: :lol:
_________________
Chemtrails don't actually exist.
The optical illusion of seeing white streaks crisscrossing a blue background in the presence of sunlight is a common hallucination that comes from drinking fluoridated water.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
notageek
Tux's lil' helper
Tux's lil' helper


Joined: 05 Jun 2008
Posts: 131
Location: India

PostPosted: Fri Sep 01, 2017 8:47 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Muso wrote:
Former Conservative Recalls Belittling Tirade From College Student That Brought Him Over To Left

Quote:
Explaining how the string of personal insults and sharply worded accusations caused him to reevaluate every one of his political leanings, former conservative Vincent Welsh recalled for reporters Friday the belittling tirade from a college student that brought him over to the left.

“It was last October and I’d just mentioned my support for a Republican congressional candidate on Twitter when this 19-year-old responded by telling me I was an ignorant asshole who hated the poor and that I was everything that was wrong with the world, and it just completely opened my eyes to how incorrect my whole worldview was,” said Welsh, fondly recounting how the sophomore sociology major converted him to liberalism on the spot by calling him a hateful bigot and saying he was too much of a “brainwashed puppet” of corporate interests to know what was best for him, instantaneously invalidating the 56 years of individual thought and life experience that had led him to his previous political beliefs.

“I remember how he said anyone who didn’t support Scandinavian-style social policies was nothing more than a greedy capitalist leech and I was just like, ‘Wow, yes, that makes total sense.’ And then when he called me a fascist piece of shit and condescendingly asked if I’d ever once looked up from my copy of Atlas Shrugged, that was the moment I saw what a complete fool I’d been and knew I had to reject all my political positions and adopt his ideology in total.” Welsh then expressed his deep gratitude that the young man had even stopped to direct the series of derogatory tweets at him in the first place, saying he would likely still be a “money-grubbing racist shithead who spends all day sucking the Koch brothers’ dicks” if not for the magnanimous individual.


:lol:

Could happen, you know.
_________________
"Defeat is a state of mind. No one is ever defeated, until defeat has been accepted as a reality." -- Bruce Lee
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
patrix_neo
Guru
Guru


Joined: 08 Jan 2004
Posts: 474
Location: The Maldives

PostPosted: Fri Sep 01, 2017 8:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Just feels out of effort - Norwegian style.
Why not put out a tweet that you find funny and call it a - joke!
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Akkara
Administrator
Administrator


Joined: 28 Mar 2006
Posts: 6522
Location: &akkara

PostPosted: Sun Sep 03, 2017 9:52 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Does it count as a joke if it happens in real-life?

I was working on stuff, updating software, the usual.

I glance at the clock.

It reads 4:04.

My immediate thought was "gawd, yet another thing that needs fixing!"...

I realize what happened a moment later, just as my mind gets to the "fixing" part.
_________________
Humility means not having to eat as much crow when you are shown to be wrong.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
cokey
Advocate
Advocate


Joined: 23 Apr 2004
Posts: 3343

PostPosted: Tue Sep 05, 2017 8:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Akkara wrote:
Does it count as a joke if it happens in real-life?

I was working on stuff, updating software, the usual.

I glance at the clock.

It reads 4:04.

My immediate thought was "gawd, yet another thing that needs fixing!"...

I realize what happened a moment later, just as my mind gets to the "fixing" part.
:lol: :lol: :lol:
_________________
"Sex: breakfast of champions" - James Hunt
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Display posts from previous:   
Reply to topic    Gentoo Forums Forum Index Off the Wall All times are GMT
Goto page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6  Next
Page 3 of 6

 
Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum