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pjp
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 Posted: Sat Oct 01, 2016 3:59 am Post subject: Thread of Jokes volume III |
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Continued from Jokess.
There was an old woman whose lies,
Were unbound by number or size;
Asked with high office at stake,
What difference does it make?
Expendable were all of their lives.
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Muso
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Joined: 22 Oct 2002
Posts: 690
Location: The Holy city of Honolulu
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| Posted: Sat Oct 01, 2016 4:03 am Post subject: Re: Thread of Jokes volume III |
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| pjp wrote: | There was an old woman whose lies,
Were unbound by number or size;
Asked with high office at stake,
What difference does it make?
Expendable were all of their lives. |
Shitting in pantsuits and lying... Just Hillary Things
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o'bogamol
Tux's lil' helper
Joined: 01 Nov 2009
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Location: Detroit, Michigan - The Home of Rock and Roll
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| Posted: Sat Oct 01, 2016 5:19 am Post subject: |
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Photo evidence.
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"History began on July 4,1776. Everything before that was a mistake." -Ron Swanson |
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cokey
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| Posted: Sat Oct 01, 2016 11:34 am Post subject: |
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| o'bogamol wrote: |
Photo evidence. |
there isn't any, they didn't have the flash on.
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pjp
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Koala Kid
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Joined: 09 May 2003
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| Posted: Sat Nov 05, 2016 7:27 am Post subject: |
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I tap on the window & make the "roll window down" gesture. the guy just starts freaking out. not even the flight attendant can calm him down.
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"People are the worst, the worst thing about music is that people play it". M. Patton. |
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Muso
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| Posted: Mon Nov 07, 2016 7:09 pm Post subject: |
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http://lenadunham.ca/
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notageek
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Joined: 05 Jun 2008
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Location: India
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| Posted: Mon Nov 07, 2016 7:14 pm Post subject: |
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| Muso wrote: | | http://lenadunham.ca/ |
| Quote: | | Requirements for Breeding Cattle Imported from the United States to Canada |
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pjp
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| Posted: Mon Nov 07, 2016 7:19 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | Feeder Bob Calf Program |
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patrix_neo
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Joined: 08 Jan 2004
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Location: The Maldives
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| Posted: Mon Nov 07, 2016 8:31 pm Post subject: |
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| o'bogamol wrote: |
Photo evidence. |
Photo indeed. Photoshoped much? This dude needed something extra for the effect Gascoigne was going for. |
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BonezTheGoon
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Joined: 14 Jun 2002
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Location: Albuquerque, NM -- birthplace of Microsoft and Gentoo
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| Posted: Tue Nov 29, 2016 6:42 am Post subject: |
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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
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| pjp wrote: | | The greater evil is voting for the "lesser evil." |
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BonezTheGoon
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| Posted: Tue Nov 29, 2016 7:18 am Post subject: |
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One can tell a female ant from a male ant by throwing it into water. If it sinks: girl ant. If it floats: buoyant.
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| pjp wrote: | | The greater evil is voting for the "lesser evil." |
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cokey
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| Posted: Sun Jan 01, 2017 10:37 pm Post subject: |
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How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Put it in the microwave until its Bill Withers
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Akkara
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| Posted: Mon Jan 02, 2017 8:59 am Post subject: |
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| BonezTheGoon wrote: | | What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question? |
You get a joke rhetorical question sin theta in a direction perpendicular to both
Or was that a rhetorical question? 
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o'bogamol
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Location: Detroit, Michigan - The Home of Rock and Roll
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| Posted: Mon Jan 02, 2017 1:52 pm Post subject: |
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What does a thesaurus have for breakfast?
Synonym rolls.
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
Ten. It takes ten tickles to make an octopus laugh.
Teacher: Billy, use the word 'horticulture' in a sentence.
Billy: You can take a horticulture, but can you make her think?
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Muso
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| Posted: Sat Jan 21, 2017 4:14 pm Post subject: |
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Keynes and Krugman are walking down the street when they see two large piles of dog shit.
Keynes says to Krugman, “I’ll pay you $20,000 to eat one of those piles of shit.” Krugman agrees and chooses a pile and eats it. Keynes pays him his $20,000.
Then Krugman, feeling richer, says, “I’ll pay you $20,000 to eat the other pile" Keynes, feeling bad about the money he lost says okay, and eats the shit. Krugman pays him the $20,000.
They resume walking down the street.
After a while, Krugman says, “You know, I don’t feel very good. We both have the same amount of money as when we started. The only difference is we’ve both eaten shit.”
Keynes says: “Ah, but you’re ignoring the fact that we’ve increased the GDP by $40,000.
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pjp
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| Posted: Sat Jan 21, 2017 6:25 pm Post subject: |
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| Muso wrote: | | Keynes says: “Ah, but you’re ignoring the fact that we’ve increased the GDP by $40,000. |
They'd also both be poorer after having paid taxes on the exchange. Krugman pays income tax on $20k, then has to cover that in repayment to Keynes. Keynes then has to pay income tax on the money which was originally his. I don't know if that was part of the joke, but it's at least as good as the obvious part of the joke.
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Bones McCracker
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| Posted: Tue Jan 24, 2017 3:59 am Post subject: |
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| Muso wrote: | Keynes and Krugman are walking down the street when they see two large piles of dog shit.
Keynes says to Krugman, “I’ll pay you $20,000 to eat one of those piles of shit.” Krugman agrees and chooses a pile and eats it. Keynes pays him his $20,000.
Then Krugman, feeling richer, says, “I’ll pay you $20,000 to eat the other pile" Keynes, feeling bad about the money he lost says okay, and eats the shit. Krugman pays him the $20,000.
They resume walking down the street.
After a while, Krugman says, “You know, I don’t feel very good. We both have the same amount of money as when we started. The only difference is we’ve both eaten shit.”
Keynes says: “Ah, but you’re ignoring the fact that we’ve increased the GDP by $40,000. |
Now that's funny. |
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Bones McCracker
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| Posted: Tue Jan 24, 2017 4:00 am Post subject: |
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| pjp wrote: | | Muso wrote: | | Keynes says: “Ah, but you’re ignoring the fact that we’ve increased the GDP by $40,000. |
They'd also both be poorer after having paid taxes on the exchange. Krugman pays income tax on $20k, then has to cover that in repayment to Keynes. Keynes then has to pay income tax on the money which was originally his. I don't know if that was part of the joke, but it's at least as good as the obvious part of the joke. |
Hey, you didn't build that! |
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Old School
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| Posted: Tue Jan 24, 2017 4:45 am Post subject: |
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Last night, I told the wife when we were getting ready for bed how stressed out I was and that only a blowjob would relax me. She asked me where I was going to find a dick that late at night.
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Muso
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| Posted: Tue Jan 24, 2017 5:01 am Post subject: |
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| Old School wrote: | | Last night, I told the wife when we were getting ready for bed how stressed out I was and that only a blowjob would relax me. She asked me where I was going to find a dick that late at night. |
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Akkara
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| Posted: Tue Jan 24, 2017 5:18 am Post subject: |
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(Imagine you're a gal...)
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Muso
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| Posted: Tue Jan 24, 2017 6:14 am Post subject: |
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| Akkara wrote: | (Imagine you're a gal...)
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Posting a weird reference in a joke thread : $0
Making my inner nerd laugh : Priceless.
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cokey
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| Posted: Wed Mar 08, 2017 10:31 pm Post subject: |
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Have you heard about Israel's new house buying reality programme set in the Gaza Strip? It's called 'Hamas under the Hammer'
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Bones McCracker
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| Posted: Thu Mar 09, 2017 2:49 am Post subject: |
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| Don't get it. |
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