Thread of Jokes volume III

pjp · Administrator Joined: 16 Apr 2002 Posts: 18157

Continued from Jokess.

There was an old woman whose lies,
Were unbound by number or size;
Asked with high office at stake,
What difference does it make?
Expendable were all of their lives.
_________________
Those who know what's best for us must rise and save us from ourselves.

Muso · Posted: Sat Oct 01, 2016 4:03 am Post subject: Re: Thread of Jokes volume III

o'bogamol · Posted: Sat Oct 01, 2016 5:19 am Post subject:

cokey · Advocate Joined: 23 Apr 2004 Posts: 3343

pjp · Administrator Joined: 16 Apr 2002 Posts: 18157

If at Birth You Don't Succeed: My Adventures with Disaster and Destiny

:lol:

_________________
Those who know what's best for us must rise and save us from ourselves.

Koala Kid · Guru Joined: 09 May 2003 Posts: 381

I tap on the window & make the "roll window down" gesture. the guy just starts freaking out. not even the flight attendant can calm him down.
_________________
"People are the worst, the worst thing about music is that people play it". M. Patton.

Muso · Posted: Mon Nov 07, 2016 7:09 pm Post subject:

http://lenadunham.ca/
_________________
"You can lead a horticulture but you can't make her think" ~ Dorothy Parker
"It's not a big truck. It's a series of tubes." ~ Senator Ted Stevens describing the Internet

notageek · Posted: Mon Nov 07, 2016 7:14 pm Post subject:

pjp · Administrator Joined: 16 Apr 2002 Posts: 18157

patrix_neo · Guru Joined: 08 Jan 2004 Posts: 519 Location: The Maldives

BonezTheGoon · Posted: Tue Nov 29, 2016 6:42 am Post subject:

What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
_________________

BonezTheGoon · Posted: Tue Nov 29, 2016 7:18 am Post subject:

One can tell a female ant from a male ant by throwing it into water. If it sinks: girl ant. If it floats: buoyant.
_________________

cokey · Advocate Joined: 23 Apr 2004 Posts: 3343

How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?

Put it in the microwave until its Bill Withers
_________________
"Sex: breakfast of champions" - James Hunt

Akkara · Posted: Mon Jan 02, 2017 8:59 am Post subject:

o'bogamol · Posted: Mon Jan 02, 2017 1:52 pm Post subject:

What does a thesaurus have for breakfast?

Synonym rolls.

How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?

Ten. It takes ten tickles to make an octopus laugh.

Teacher: Billy, use the word 'horticulture' in a sentence.

Billy: You can take a horticulture, but can you make her think?
_________________
"History began on July 4,1776. Everything before that was a mistake." -Ron Swanson

Muso · Posted: Sat Jan 21, 2017 4:14 pm Post subject:

Keynes and Krugman are walking down the street when they see two large piles of dog shit.

Keynes says to Krugman, “I’ll pay you $20,000 to eat one of those piles of shit.” Krugman agrees and chooses a pile and eats it. Keynes pays him his $20,000.

Then Krugman, feeling richer, says, “I’ll pay you $20,000 to eat the other pile" Keynes, feeling bad about the money he lost says okay, and eats the shit. Krugman pays him the $20,000.

They resume walking down the street.

After a while, Krugman says, “You know, I don’t feel very good. We both have the same amount of money as when we started. The only difference is we’ve both eaten shit.”

Keynes says: “Ah, but you’re ignoring the fact that we’ve increased the GDP by $40,000.
_________________
"You can lead a horticulture but you can't make her think" ~ Dorothy Parker
"It's not a big truck. It's a series of tubes." ~ Senator Ted Stevens describing the Internet

pjp · Administrator Joined: 16 Apr 2002 Posts: 18157

Bones McCracker · Veteran Joined: 14 Mar 2006 Posts: 1609 Location: U.S.A.

Bones McCracker · Veteran Joined: 14 Mar 2006 Posts: 1609 Location: U.S.A.

Old School · Posted: Tue Jan 24, 2017 4:45 am Post subject:

Last night, I told the wife when we were getting ready for bed how stressed out I was and that only a blowjob would relax me. She asked me where I was going to find a dick that late at night.
_________________
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be

Christmas Lights Are Like Jeffrey Epstein, They Don't Hang Themselves.

The further a society drifts from truth, the more it will hate those who speak it.
George Orwell

Muso · Posted: Tue Jan 24, 2017 5:01 am Post subject:

Akkara · Posted: Tue Jan 24, 2017 5:18 am Post subject:

(Imagine you're a gal...)

Muso · Posted: Tue Jan 24, 2017 6:14 am Post subject:

cokey · Advocate Joined: 23 Apr 2004 Posts: 3343

Have you heard about Israel's new house buying reality programme set in the Gaza Strip? It's called 'Hamas under the Hammer'
_________________
"Sex: breakfast of champions" - James Hunt

Bones McCracker · Veteran Joined: 14 Mar 2006 Posts: 1609 Location: U.S.A.

Don't get it.