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pjp Administrator


Joined: 16 Apr 2002 Posts: 17654
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Posted: Sat Oct 01, 2016 3:59 am Post subject: Thread of Jokes volume III |
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Continued from Jokess.
There was an old woman whose lies,
Were unbound by number or size;
Asked with high office at stake,
What difference does it make?
Expendable were all of their lives. _________________ The First of April. The day when people critically evaluate information from the internet before accepting it as true. |
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Muso l33t


Joined: 22 Oct 2002 Posts: 940 Location: The Holy city of Honolulu
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Posted: Sat Oct 01, 2016 4:03 am Post subject: Re: Thread of Jokes volume III |
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pjp wrote: | There was an old woman whose lies,
Were unbound by number or size;
Asked with high office at stake,
What difference does it make?
Expendable were all of their lives. |
Shitting in pantsuits and lying... Just Hillary Things _________________ Chemtrails don't actually exist.
The optical illusion of seeing white streaks crisscrossing a blue background in the presence of sunlight is a common hallucination that comes from drinking fluoridated water. |
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o'bogamol Tux's lil' helper


Joined: 01 Nov 2009 Posts: 90 Location: Detroit, Michigan - The Home of Rock and Roll
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Posted: Sat Oct 01, 2016 5:19 am Post subject: |
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Photo evidence. _________________ "History began on July 4,1776. Everything before that was a mistake." -Ron Swanson |
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cokey Advocate


Joined: 23 Apr 2004 Posts: 3343
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Posted: Sat Oct 01, 2016 11:34 am Post subject: |
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o'bogamol wrote: |
Photo evidence. | there isn't any, they didn't have the flash on. _________________ "Sex: breakfast of champions" - James Hunt |
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pjp Administrator


Joined: 16 Apr 2002 Posts: 17654
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Koala Kid Guru


Joined: 09 May 2003 Posts: 379
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Posted: Sat Nov 05, 2016 7:27 am Post subject: |
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I tap on the window & make the "roll window down" gesture. the guy just starts freaking out. not even the flight attendant can calm him down. _________________ "People are the worst, the worst thing about music is that people play it". M. Patton. |
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Muso l33t


Joined: 22 Oct 2002 Posts: 940 Location: The Holy city of Honolulu
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Posted: Mon Nov 07, 2016 7:09 pm Post subject: |
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http://lenadunham.ca/ _________________ Chemtrails don't actually exist.
The optical illusion of seeing white streaks crisscrossing a blue background in the presence of sunlight is a common hallucination that comes from drinking fluoridated water. |
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notageek Tux's lil' helper


Joined: 05 Jun 2008 Posts: 132 Location: India
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Posted: Mon Nov 07, 2016 7:14 pm Post subject: |
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Muso wrote: | http://lenadunham.ca/ |
Quote: | Requirements for Breeding Cattle Imported from the United States to Canada |
 _________________ "Defeat is a state of mind. No one is ever defeated, until defeat has been accepted as a reality." -- Bruce Lee |
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pjp Administrator


Joined: 16 Apr 2002 Posts: 17654
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Posted: Mon Nov 07, 2016 7:19 pm Post subject: |
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Quote: | Feeder Bob Calf Program |  _________________ The First of April. The day when people critically evaluate information from the internet before accepting it as true. |
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patrix_neo Guru


Joined: 08 Jan 2004 Posts: 500 Location: The Maldives
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Posted: Mon Nov 07, 2016 8:31 pm Post subject: |
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o'bogamol wrote: |
Photo evidence. |
Photo indeed. Photoshoped much? This dude needed something extra for the effect Gascoigne was going for. |
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BonezTheGoon Bodhisattva


Joined: 14 Jun 2002 Posts: 1375 Location: Albuquerque, NM -- birthplace of Microsoft and Gentoo
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Posted: Tue Nov 29, 2016 6:42 am Post subject: |
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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question? _________________
pjp wrote: | The greater evil is voting for the "lesser evil." |
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BonezTheGoon Bodhisattva


Joined: 14 Jun 2002 Posts: 1375 Location: Albuquerque, NM -- birthplace of Microsoft and Gentoo
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Posted: Tue Nov 29, 2016 7:18 am Post subject: |
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One can tell a female ant from a male ant by throwing it into water. If it sinks: girl ant. If it floats: buoyant. _________________
pjp wrote: | The greater evil is voting for the "lesser evil." |
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cokey Advocate


Joined: 23 Apr 2004 Posts: 3343
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Posted: Sun Jan 01, 2017 10:37 pm Post subject: |
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How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Put it in the microwave until its Bill Withers _________________ "Sex: breakfast of champions" - James Hunt |
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Akkara Administrator


Joined: 28 Mar 2006 Posts: 6549 Location: &akkara
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Posted: Mon Jan 02, 2017 8:59 am Post subject: |
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BonezTheGoon wrote: | What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question? |
You get a joke rhetorical question sin theta in a direction perpendicular to both
Or was that a rhetorical question?  _________________ Humility means not having to eat as much crow when you are shown to be wrong. |
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o'bogamol Tux's lil' helper


Joined: 01 Nov 2009 Posts: 90 Location: Detroit, Michigan - The Home of Rock and Roll
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Posted: Mon Jan 02, 2017 1:52 pm Post subject: |
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What does a thesaurus have for breakfast?
Synonym rolls.
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
Ten. It takes ten tickles to make an octopus laugh.
Teacher: Billy, use the word 'horticulture' in a sentence.
Billy: You can take a horticulture, but can you make her think? _________________ "History began on July 4,1776. Everything before that was a mistake." -Ron Swanson |
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Muso l33t


Joined: 22 Oct 2002 Posts: 940 Location: The Holy city of Honolulu
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Posted: Sat Jan 21, 2017 4:14 pm Post subject: |
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Keynes and Krugman are walking down the street when they see two large piles of dog shit.
Keynes says to Krugman, “I’ll pay you $20,000 to eat one of those piles of shit.” Krugman agrees and chooses a pile and eats it. Keynes pays him his $20,000.
Then Krugman, feeling richer, says, “I’ll pay you $20,000 to eat the other pile" Keynes, feeling bad about the money he lost says okay, and eats the shit. Krugman pays him the $20,000.
They resume walking down the street.
After a while, Krugman says, “You know, I don’t feel very good. We both have the same amount of money as when we started. The only difference is we’ve both eaten shit.”
Keynes says: “Ah, but you’re ignoring the fact that we’ve increased the GDP by $40,000. _________________ Chemtrails don't actually exist.
The optical illusion of seeing white streaks crisscrossing a blue background in the presence of sunlight is a common hallucination that comes from drinking fluoridated water. |
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pjp Administrator


Joined: 16 Apr 2002 Posts: 17654
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Posted: Sat Jan 21, 2017 6:25 pm Post subject: |
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Muso wrote: | Keynes says: “Ah, but you’re ignoring the fact that we’ve increased the GDP by $40,000. |
They'd also both be poorer after having paid taxes on the exchange. Krugman pays income tax on $20k, then has to cover that in repayment to Keynes. Keynes then has to pay income tax on the money which was originally his. I don't know if that was part of the joke, but it's at least as good as the obvious part of the joke. _________________ The First of April. The day when people critically evaluate information from the internet before accepting it as true. |
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Bones McCracker Veteran


Joined: 14 Mar 2006 Posts: 1609 Location: U.S.A.
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Posted: Tue Jan 24, 2017 3:59 am Post subject: |
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Muso wrote: | Keynes and Krugman are walking down the street when they see two large piles of dog shit.
Keynes says to Krugman, “I’ll pay you $20,000 to eat one of those piles of shit.” Krugman agrees and chooses a pile and eats it. Keynes pays him his $20,000.
Then Krugman, feeling richer, says, “I’ll pay you $20,000 to eat the other pile" Keynes, feeling bad about the money he lost says okay, and eats the shit. Krugman pays him the $20,000.
They resume walking down the street.
After a while, Krugman says, “You know, I don’t feel very good. We both have the same amount of money as when we started. The only difference is we’ve both eaten shit.”
Keynes says: “Ah, but you’re ignoring the fact that we’ve increased the GDP by $40,000. |
Now that's funny.  |
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Bones McCracker Veteran


Joined: 14 Mar 2006 Posts: 1609 Location: U.S.A.
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Posted: Tue Jan 24, 2017 4:00 am Post subject: |
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pjp wrote: | Muso wrote: | Keynes says: “Ah, but you’re ignoring the fact that we’ve increased the GDP by $40,000. |
They'd also both be poorer after having paid taxes on the exchange. Krugman pays income tax on $20k, then has to cover that in repayment to Keynes. Keynes then has to pay income tax on the money which was originally his. I don't know if that was part of the joke, but it's at least as good as the obvious part of the joke. |
Hey, you didn't build that! |
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Old School Apprentice


Joined: 20 Nov 2004 Posts: 243 Location: West Bank of the Coast Fork
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Posted: Tue Jan 24, 2017 4:45 am Post subject: |
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Last night, I told the wife when we were getting ready for bed how stressed out I was and that only a blowjob would relax me. She asked me where I was going to find a dick that late at night. _________________ I like babies. They keep secrets.
The further a society drifts from truth, the more it will hate those who speak it.
George Orwell |
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Muso l33t


Joined: 22 Oct 2002 Posts: 940 Location: The Holy city of Honolulu
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Posted: Tue Jan 24, 2017 5:01 am Post subject: |
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Old School wrote: | Last night, I told the wife when we were getting ready for bed how stressed out I was and that only a blowjob would relax me. She asked me where I was going to find a dick that late at night. |
 _________________ Chemtrails don't actually exist.
The optical illusion of seeing white streaks crisscrossing a blue background in the presence of sunlight is a common hallucination that comes from drinking fluoridated water. |
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Akkara Administrator


Joined: 28 Mar 2006 Posts: 6549 Location: &akkara
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Posted: Tue Jan 24, 2017 5:18 am Post subject: |
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(Imagine you're a gal...)
_________________ Humility means not having to eat as much crow when you are shown to be wrong. |
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Muso l33t


Joined: 22 Oct 2002 Posts: 940 Location: The Holy city of Honolulu
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Posted: Tue Jan 24, 2017 6:14 am Post subject: |
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Akkara wrote: | (Imagine you're a gal...)
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Posting a weird reference in a joke thread : $0
Making my inner nerd laugh : Priceless. _________________ Chemtrails don't actually exist.
The optical illusion of seeing white streaks crisscrossing a blue background in the presence of sunlight is a common hallucination that comes from drinking fluoridated water. |
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cokey Advocate


Joined: 23 Apr 2004 Posts: 3343
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Posted: Wed Mar 08, 2017 10:31 pm Post subject: |
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Have you heard about Israel's new house buying reality programme set in the Gaza Strip? It's called 'Hamas under the Hammer' _________________ "Sex: breakfast of champions" - James Hunt |
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Bones McCracker Veteran


Joined: 14 Mar 2006 Posts: 1609 Location: U.S.A.
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Posted: Thu Mar 09, 2017 2:49 am Post subject: |
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Don't get it. |
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