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audiodef
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PostPosted: Fri Dec 30, 2011 1:39 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

slonocode wrote:
Is a "henpecked" or "pussy whipped" male a victim of domestic violence?


Since "henpecking" and "pussy whipping" are forms of bullying, yes.

You know, this thread, as frustrating as it was several posts ago, is proving to be thought-provoking. I re-read my last post above and I found it interesting enough to turn into an essay I posted to abusedmen.org (no names were mentioned, not to worry).

I'm also going to think about an essay for "henpecking" and "pussy whipping". No one questions that it's an unhealthy situation for a woman to be verbally dominated by a man - why should it be any different for a man verbally dominated by a woman?
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PostPosted: Fri Dec 30, 2011 1:48 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

slonocode wrote:

Let's also be clear about the language. Are abuse and violence equal? Is abuse mental and violence physical? Is a "henpecked" or "pussy whipped" male a victim of domestic violence?


I just realised I overlooked the first two items. These are worthy of serious consideration. Abuse and violence should definitely be treated with equal seriousness. Verbal abuse can lead to physical abuse and ultimately, dangerous levels of violence. Both abuse and violence can be either mental or physical - something I can personally attest to, as I'm sure many survivors of DV can. There were several times when my ex preyed on my willingness to believe she was honest, as well as on the insecurity she herself cultivated within me, by taunting me while I was at work with the imminent or claimed destruction of things she thought were valuable to me. Sometimes she followed-through, and sometimes she never intended to and just wanted to see me dance to her tune. Every day of being with her was exhausting. Sleep I did get could be described as little more tham blacking out for as long as she allowed.

Early recognition is difficult. It's easy for me to look back and see all the signs. Not so easy when you think you love someone and forgive what you think are "faults". Ultimately, I'm fortunate to be alive. I'm sometimes surprised I never fell asleep at the wheel and woke up dead, considering I was deprived of restful sleep every single day I was with my ex.
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PostPosted: Fri Dec 30, 2011 2:00 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

slonocode wrote:
My initial reaction was that I don't believe it's as normal for women on men dv as the other way around. I asked for some proof, some explanation. I didn't receive any proof or explanation. All I received was that somehow I'm a troll for not believing.

Who said it was as normal for women on men as the other way around? Did I miss that somewhere?

Either way, you're a sad bottom-feeder, even among trolls. :?
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PostPosted: Fri Dec 30, 2011 2:07 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

slonocode wrote:
LOL are u mad bro? You feel that me challenging that domestic violence is an equal proposition is trolling?


Here's my take on it. These forums are readable for many years after they are written thus, when somebody else is in the same position as he OP, searches the web for their situation, they will find the responses. Thus, I think that it is important to take these situations seriously. It may be that OP has all his stats wrong, but could there be an emotional reason for that? Is he equivocating the situation with abused women even though their is no objective reason to do that? Maybe, but the point of his message doesn't hinge on the statistics. What is important here is to respond to the OP in a way that gives honest, useful support because, even if the OP is exaggerating, likely there will be someone who isn't and that person will benefit.

He went out and bought a domain so he could use it to help other men in the same boat, for Christ's sake. It sounds to me like he's trying to get through it.

So, I would ask you, for the sake of harmony, respect, world peace and all that other mushy stuff, that you take your trolling elsewhere. Maybe you could haunt the OTW linux threads with directions on how to solve the problem in MS. or something
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PostPosted: Fri Dec 30, 2011 2:55 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

slonocode wrote:
Oh and pjp sorry but there is no question about whether men are subject to domestic abuse or violence. Everyone in this thread had agreed that it happens.
OK, thanks for clarifying. Various comments you've made have seemed to indicate otherwise. Again, arguing over the percentages seems pointless.
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PostPosted: Fri Dec 30, 2011 10:18 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

pjp wrote:
slonocode wrote:
Oh and pjp sorry but there is no question about whether men are subject to domestic abuse or violence. Everyone in this thread had agreed that it happens.
OK, thanks for clarifying. Various comments you've made have seemed to indicate otherwise. Again, arguing over the percentages seems pointless.


No I've stated numerous times that I believe it happens. Apparently you have been arguing with your own delusion here and in a more cowardly way in the report violations thread.
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slonocode
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PostPosted: Fri Dec 30, 2011 10:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

BoneKracker wrote:
slonocode wrote:
My initial reaction was that I don't believe it's as normal for women on men dv as the other way around. I asked for some proof, some explanation. I didn't receive any proof or explanation. All I received was that somehow I'm a troll for not believing.

Who said it was as normal for women on men as the other way around? Did I miss that somewhere?

Either way, you're a sad bottom-feeder, even among trolls. :?



You know darn well that you did. Not to mention it's claimed on audiodef's site. Oh and don't forget that he claimed it directly in this thread.

Quote:
This shit happens, and it happens to at least as many men as it does to women
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PostPosted: Fri Dec 30, 2011 11:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

audiodef wrote:
slonocode wrote:

Let's also be clear about the language. Are abuse and violence equal? Is abuse mental and violence physical? Is a "henpecked" or "pussy whipped" male a victim of domestic violence?


I just realised I overlooked the first two items. These are worthy of serious consideration. Abuse and violence should definitely be treated with equal seriousness. Verbal abuse can lead to physical abuse and ultimately, dangerous levels of violence. Both abuse and violence can be either mental or physical - something I can personally attest to, as I'm sure many survivors of DV can. There were several times when my ex preyed on my willingness to believe she was honest, as well as on the insecurity she herself cultivated within me, by taunting me while I was at work with the imminent or claimed destruction of things she thought were valuable to me. Sometimes she followed-through, and sometimes she never intended to and just wanted to see me dance to her tune. Every day of being with her was exhausting. Sleep I did get could be described as little more tham blacking out for as long as she allowed.

Early recognition is difficult. It's easy for me to look back and see all the signs. Not so easy when you think you love someone and forgive what you think are "faults". Ultimately, I'm fortunate to be alive. I'm sometimes surprised I never fell asleep at the wheel and woke up dead, considering I was deprived of restful sleep every single day I was with my ex.


Your explanation doesn't differentiate at all between abuse and violence.
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 31, 2011 12:20 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

A quick word about the victim subject. I haven't denied that audiodef is a victim of dv from what he describes. If one reads his site where he describes that he has now been in a healthy 5 year relationship with a new girlfriend and couples it with his statements I don't think it's outrageous.

Quote:
have not been able to find a
job since 2006 due to discrimination


Quote:
run the story that the
Comptroller abuses Maryland residents with disabilities by further
limiting their lives when they have little or no financial resources


Quote:
And by the way, happy holidays. Yeah, right. Smooth timing, people. Perhaps you'd like to hunt some baby seals while you're at it?
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Quote:
I've been beaten by my ex-wife, beaten by all my employers, and beaten by the state and federal governments.


Quote:
Thanks to society's un-evolved views on domestic violence, I will get a lot of - at best - blank stares.


Quote:
This shit happens, and it happens to at least as many men as it does to women.



This goes far beyond being the victim of dv and it's what I was referring to.
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 31, 2011 4:54 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

slonocode wrote:
No I've stated numerous times that I believe it happens. Apparently you have been arguing with your own delusion here and in a more cowardly way in the report violations thread.
slonocode wrote:
audiodef wrote:
You know what else is maddening? If I were a female victim of male domestic violence, it would be relatively easy to find legal assistance for this issue. Thanks to society's un-evolved views on domestic violence, I will get a lot of - at best - blank stares. Fucking hell.


It seems like a pretty normal response to me. Perhaps you could explain how it could happen.
There are others, but I'll just go with your first post. To domestic violence against males, you think blank stares are a normal response?

As for the 'report violations' thread, I was explaining to audiodef why you weren't trolling or being rude, etc. In retrospect, I think I may have been wrong.
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 31, 2011 5:59 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

pjp wrote:
slonocode wrote:
No I've stated numerous times that I believe it happens. Apparently you have been arguing with your own delusion here and in a more cowardly way in the report violations thread.
slonocode wrote:
audiodef wrote:
You know what else is maddening? If I were a female victim of male domestic violence, it would be relatively easy to find legal assistance for this issue. Thanks to society's un-evolved views on domestic violence, I will get a lot of - at best - blank stares. Fucking hell.


It seems like a pretty normal response to me. Perhaps you could explain how it could happen.
There are others, but I'll just go with your first post. To domestic violence against males, you think blank stares are a normal response?

As for the 'report violations' thread, I was explaining to audiodef why you weren't trolling or being rude, etc. In retrospect, I think I may have been wrong.



I think it's a normal response to believe that the kind of violence audiodef describes happens to women a lot more than to men. In retrospect it's you trolling me by completely arguing against your own delusion. I mean even if you got the wrong idea initially I've clarified my meaning so often that one has to wonder what in the fuck are you reading?


Yeah you explained alright and then took jabs at me there instead of to my face here. Do I really need to quote them all or will you just concede that it's true?
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 31, 2011 7:00 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Bottom Feeder (sculpture by Patricia Piccinini). Back view.
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 31, 2011 7:01 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Why did I click... both!?!?
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 31, 2011 8:11 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Split from Evil Comptroller


@slonocode: I did not take jabs. I apologize that you interpreted my remarks differently than they were intended.

I saved my comments you're referring to in slonocode's exhibit a.
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 31, 2011 8:41 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

slonocode wrote:
LOL are u mad bro? You feel that me challenging that domestic violence is an equal proposition is trolling?

Why would I be mad? I'm just reminding everyone that you seem to enjoy starting arguments, and my advice is to not be drawn into an argument with you.
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 31, 2011 9:03 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

tylerwylie wrote:
Why did I click... both!?!?

It's a work of art, and so apropos.
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 31, 2011 10:39 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

just some links

type of abuse:
http://www.amen.ie/Downloads/26007.pdf

article:
http://www.livescience.com/12909-senator-scott-brown-male-sexual-abuse-stigma.html

interesting links:
http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/abusiverelationships/a/male_abuse.htm
one of the links:
Quote:
— Women are more likely than men to stalk, attack and psychologically abuse their partners, according to a University of Florida study that finds college women have a new view of the dating scene.

In a survey of 2,500 students at UF and the University of South Carolina between August and December 2005, more than a quarter (29 percent) reported physically assaulting their dates and 22 percent reported being the victims of attacks during the past year. Thirty-two percent of women reported being the perpetrators of this violence, compared with 24 percent of men. The students took selected liberal arts and sciences courses. Forty percent were men and 60 percent were women, reflecting the gender composition of these classes.


and that took three minutes on google.
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 31, 2011 5:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

energyman76b wrote:
just some links

type of abuse:
http://www.amen.ie/Downloads/26007.pdf

article:
http://www.livescience.com/12909-senator-scott-brown-male-sexual-abuse-stigma.html

interesting links:
http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/abusiverelationships/a/male_abuse.htm
one of the links:
Quote:
— Women are more likely than men to stalk, attack and psychologically abuse their partners, according to a University of Florida study that finds college women have a new view of the dating scene.

In a survey of 2,500 students at UF and the University of South Carolina between August and December 2005, more than a quarter (29 percent) reported physically assaulting their dates and 22 percent reported being the victims of attacks during the past year. Thirty-two percent of women reported being the perpetrators of this violence, compared with 24 percent of men. The students took selected liberal arts and sciences courses. Forty percent were men and 60 percent were women, reflecting the gender composition of these classes.


and that took three minutes on google.


I can appreciate that you would attempt to provide actual data. The study also uses the CTS scale that I've talked about.

http://www.xyonline.net/content/claims-about-husband-battering
http://www.xyonline.net/content/myth-male-violence

This could have been an actual discussion on the topic. I will admit that I now think that female against male violence is higher than I would have initially thought. However I don't believe that it's anywhere near a 50/50 proposition. Especially considering the very broad current definition of dv.
I certainly don't think situations like described in the op(well the op before pjp decided to change the thread) are in equal measure or close to it.

Basically audiodef provided no proof for his claim of equal measures. I did not accept his claim and instead of providing proof he insulted me numerous times. pjp preferred I educate myself which I did. He however seemed intent on arguing against something I wasn't claiming. pjp also seemed to be arguing about this with the basis of some vague things he heard over 20 years ago but couldn't remember.

None of this is to say that I think audiodef was not a victim of dv. However audiodef also described being abused by the MD comptroller and being beaten by all of his employers and multiple government agencies. He also claimed discrimination. It was the those statements that led me to wish for him the ability to abandon being a victim. I was in no way claiming he was not a victim of dv.
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 31, 2011 11:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

You're a bottom feeder.
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PostPosted: Sun Jan 01, 2012 9:13 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

pjp wrote:
slonocode wrote:
No I've stated numerous times that I believe it happens. Apparently you have been arguing with your own delusion here and in a more cowardly way in the report violations thread.
slonocode wrote:
audiodef wrote:
You know what else is maddening? If I were a female victim of male domestic violence, it would be relatively easy to find legal assistance for this issue. Thanks to society's un-evolved views on domestic violence, I will get a lot of - at best - blank stares. Fucking hell.


It seems like a pretty normal response to me. Perhaps you could explain how it could happen.
There are others, but I'll just go with your first post. To domestic violence against males, you think blank stares are a normal response?

As for the 'report violations' thread, I was explaining to audiodef why you weren't trolling or being rude, etc. In retrospect, I think I may have been wrong.

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Last edited by audiodef on Sat Jan 14, 2012 9:57 pm; edited 1 time in total
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PostPosted: Sun Jan 01, 2012 10:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

audiodef wrote:
pjp wrote:
slonocode wrote:
No I've stated numerous times that I believe it happens. Apparently you have been arguing with your own delusion here and in a more cowardly way in the report violations thread.
slonocode wrote:
audiodef wrote:
You know what else is maddening? If I were a female victim of male domestic violence, it would be relatively easy to find legal assistance for this issue. Thanks to society's un-evolved views on domestic violence, I will get a lot of - at best - blank stares. Fucking hell.


It seems like a pretty normal response to me. Perhaps you could explain how it could happen.
There are others, but I'll just go with your first post. To domestic violence against males, you think blank stares are a normal response?

As for the 'report violations' thread, I was explaining to audiodef why you weren't trolling or being rude, etc. In retrospect, I think I may have been wrong.


I've filed another report, I'm truly sorry to say. I will say nothing further to or about slonocode in this thread.


Report what?

Let's get this straight. I don't agree with you that domestic violence happens to men as much or more than to women. That doesn't mean I don't think it happened to you or that you should receive help. But I don't think you are doing anyone any favors by insisting that it's equal in number, length or intensity. You've also offered no proof of anything in regards to your claim about equal measure.

So go ahead and report report report. I have not been disrespectful to you, I simply disagreed with you. In response you have spewed multiple personal insults at me.


Last edited by slonocode on Sun Jan 01, 2012 11:55 pm; edited 1 time in total
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PostPosted: Sun Jan 01, 2012 11:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

slonocode wrote:
pjp preferred I educate myself which I did. He however seemed intent on arguing against something I wasn't claiming. pjp also seemed to be arguing about this with the basis of some vague things he heard over 20 years ago but couldn't remember.
:lol:

I've tried to clarify, but it seems pointless as it requires someone willing to listen.
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 02, 2012 12:41 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

energyman76b wrote:
just some links

type of abuse:
http://www.amen.ie/Downloads/26007.pdf

article:
http://www.livescience.com/12909-senator-scott-brown-male-sexual-abuse-stigma.html

interesting links:
http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/abusiverelationships/a/male_abuse.htm
one of the links:
Quote:
— Women are more likely than men to stalk, attack and psychologically abuse their partners, according to a University of Florida study that finds college women have a new view of the dating scene.

In a survey of 2,500 students at UF and the University of South Carolina between August and December 2005, more than a quarter (29 percent) reported physically assaulting their dates and 22 percent reported being the victims of attacks during the past year. Thirty-two percent of women reported being the perpetrators of this violence, compared with 24 percent of men. The students took selected liberal arts and sciences courses. Forty percent were men and 60 percent were women, reflecting the gender composition of these classes.


and that took three minutes on google.


Thank you - this will be very useful for my research. It is much appreciated.
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 02, 2012 12:44 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

bogamol wrote:
slonocode wrote:
LOL are u mad bro? You feel that me challenging that domestic violence is an equal proposition is trolling?


Here's my take on it. These forums are readable for many years after they are written thus, when somebody else is in the same position as he OP, searches the web for their situation, they will find the responses. Thus, I think that it is important to take these situations seriously. It may be that OP has all his stats wrong, but could there be an emotional reason for that? Is he equivocating the situation with abused women even though their is no objective reason to do that? Maybe, but the point of his message doesn't hinge on the statistics. What is important here is to respond to the OP in a way that gives honest, useful support because, even if the OP is exaggerating, likely there will be someone who isn't and that person will benefit.

He went out and bought a domain so he could use it to help other men in the same boat, for Christ's sake. It sounds to me like he's trying to get through it.

So, I would ask you, for the sake of harmony, respect, world peace and all that other mushy stuff, that you take your trolling elsewhere. Maybe you could haunt the OTW linux threads with directions on how to solve the problem in MS. or something


Thank you. It means a lot to me when people recognize that I am trying to do something constructive about what I perceive to be a real problem. Your logical and supportive comments are much appreciated.
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