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audiodef
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 22, 2011 10:50 pm    Post subject: Evil Comptroller Reply with quote

OK. I don't normally do this. This is part of my personal life, but I'm mad as hell, and I want everyone to know about these assholes.

Today in the mail I recieved a notice that the MVA has put a hold on renewing my driver's license and vehicle registration because the Comptroller of Maryland ordered them due, because I owe them back taxes. I owe them back taxes because my ex-wife was violently abusive, and I have told them this several times. I am now only able to get social security disability. I am not in a position to pay anyone anything, especially debts I did not cause.


I immediately emailed the Comptroller:

---------------

Hello,

Today - 22 December 2011 - I received in the mail a letter from the
Maryland Motor Vehicle Administration informing me that they will no
longer process my driver's license renewal and vehicle registration.
This letter stated that this order was effective as of 1 June 2011. This
is the first notification I have received regarding this hold.

I have informed the Comptroller of Maryland multiple times that I am
permanently disabled due to deafness and have not been able to find a
job since 2006 due to discrimination. I have in fact been told to me
face by a certain employer they were reluctant to hire me because of my
disability - a blatant violation of the law. That's how bad it is. My
sole source of income is social security disability. In addition, I have
informed the Comptroller that I was severely abused by my ex-spouse and
am not responsible for this debt occurring the way it did. None of which
the Comptroller responded to except to demand payment.

If I am deaf and the only money I am able to get is social security -
which I had to fight for like a rabid badger - what makes you think I am
in a position to simply hand over any money?

Since you people have made it clear that you have no capacity for
listening to reason, I will forgo any further niceties and say this: you
will release this hold or I will proceed to fight this in any way I can,
and I will tell all publications who will run the story that the
Comptroller abuses Maryland residents with disabilities by further
limiting their lives when they have little or no financial resources. I
will also attempt to seek pro-bono legal assistance. I have done nothing
to deserve this behavior from you and it will not be tolerated.

Mr. Moody

---------------


I absolutely could not resist, upon receiving a confirmation email form the Comptroller, adding:

-----------

And by the way, happy holidays. Yeah, right. Smooth timing, people. Perhaps you'd like to hunt some baby seals while you're at it?
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audiodef
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 22, 2011 10:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I am doing the best I can to give myself time to breathe, but honestly, this is all getting to be too much. If this ends up dragging on and I cannot renew my license or keep my car, I fear I am going to engage in civil disobedience by continuing to drive and ultimately getting arrested. I always drive conscientiously, but you never know. Also, if they try to repo my car, despite the fact that I love this car and it has sentimental value to me, I will destroy it if I get wind of a repo. I mean totally wreck it beyond any hope of repair. I've been beaten by my ex-wife, beaten by all my employers, and beaten by the state and federal governments. The nicest agency, surprisingly, has been the IRS, who has me in an "unable to pay" status and last time I called recently to check in, the guy told me not to worry about it.

Anyway, I'm just ready to either start non-violently committing crimes or leaving the country.
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Bones McCracker
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 22, 2011 11:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

You need to get legal help. Try Maryland Legal Aid.
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PostPosted: Fri Dec 23, 2011 12:05 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

You know what else is maddening? If I were a female victim of male domestic violence, it would be relatively easy to find legal assistance for this issue. Thanks to society's un-evolved views on domestic violence, I will get a lot of - at best - blank stares. Fucking hell.
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PostPosted: Fri Dec 23, 2011 12:21 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

That's pretty shitty. Do you have one of those news channels which does local 'investigative reporting'? On items such as mechanics who try to screw customers ignorant of auto maintenance? Most places I've lived do, so that would probably be your best bet. There's a chance they might be able to help guide you to other resources.

Also, do you have any kind of community organizations for the deaf or otherwise disabled? I'm specifically thinking of something like Colorado School for the Deaf and the Blind, or perhaps just some local assistance organizations (here I'm thinking of vocational rehab, advocacy, etc. perhaps not for direct services, but they might know of a resource which can help in your situation).

If you're not making payments on the car, then repo is likely at some point. HOWEVER, I believe bankruptcy can allow you to keep it. Lawyers will do free consultation. If you don't have enough debt for bankruptcy, then you can probably work out some kind of payment plan.

Also in this case, there are FREE credit counseling agencies that can help. The key is free (some may ask for a donation, it has been a while). Anyone charging much are likely to be disreputable (technically it is something you can do on your own, but people often don't or aren't able to make headway with debtors. Most really don't want you paying 0 if it is at all avoidable).
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PostPosted: Fri Dec 23, 2011 1:31 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

BoneKracker wrote:
You need to get legal help. Try Maryland Legal Aid.


Thanks, man. :)

Yeah, I will certainly look into that. I also just wrote my representative, who has been amazing with helping me and others. Especially when, like, nobody does that! 8O
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PostPosted: Mon Dec 26, 2011 7:39 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I've started a new site for male survivors of domestic violence. If this is you, feel free to take a look, register, tell your story, and provide feedback.

http://abusedmen.audiodef.com/
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audiodef
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 27, 2011 2:00 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

BoneKracker wrote:
slonocode wrote:
audiodef wrote:
You know what else is maddening? If I were a female victim of male domestic violence, it would be relatively easy to find legal assistance for this issue. Thanks to society's un-evolved views on domestic violence, I will get a lot of - at best - blank stares. Fucking hell.


It seems like a pretty normal response to me. Perhaps you could explain how it could happen.

Don't be an ignobigot. In Canada, the U.S. and Great Britain, between 38% and 50% of domestic abuse victims are men, and it only tends to be reported when there is serious injury or death:
http://www.batteredmen.com/batrcan.htm

Also, when you are deaf, people can sneak up behind you very easily.


You rock. :) Every time someone acknowledges this is a real problem, it adds a much-needed ray of sunshine to my day.

My ex was also deaf, but the sneaking was there - in the form of hitting me while I was asleep. Of course, there are sound sleepers who can hear normally, but I'm not a sound sleeper by nature. There's also the "double whammy" concept. Life is fucked up enough as it is for deaf people, and there's this person who is supposed to be my ally in life making everything a thousand-fold worse. What makes this extra-warped is the fact that she was also deaf.
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 27, 2011 2:19 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Back in 90's I took 5 months soft therapy (basically trying to talk sense with neutral party) after being in relationship with freak militant feminist for two years.

I was young, stupid, and extremely politically correct (in hindsight I did it to get laid, which I did, but for a price). She was hot, amazing and crazier in bed then me (which I naively thought was impossible, stupid 20 year old jock). She was also passive-aggressive, had daddy issues, and used every possible opportunity to turn regular domestic phenomena into bloody feminist crusade. Like leaving toilet seat up.
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 27, 2011 6:27 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Militant freaks, ugh. Dude, I'm sorry you went through that.
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audiodef
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PostPosted: Wed Dec 28, 2011 9:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

pjp wrote:
slonocode wrote:
I still don't believe that this happens to men as often as to women.
Don't forget that is is rarely reported. And remember that emotional abuse is usually worse than physical abuse.


ZOMG dude, thank you. Yes, and I can testify to that from very personal experience. I would rather have been beaten up than had my mind messed with.
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PostPosted: Wed Dec 28, 2011 10:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

pjp wrote:
slonocode wrote:
I still don't believe that this happens to men as often as to women.
Don't forget that is is rarely reported. And remember that emotional abuse is usually worse than physical abuse.


That made me thinking if women have more partners during their lifetime than men? This would mean, that they probably also have less 'gaps' between relationships and therefore more opportunity to be abused?

Unfortunately, I cannot find any evidence or real study (except of Wikipedia and there are only newspaper cited, no real study -.-)
They certainly have more opportunity, if there wasn't this society thing?
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PostPosted: Wed Dec 28, 2011 10:09 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

pjp wrote:
Easy on the 'moron' stuff. I understand it is a powerful subject for you.


I know. I believe in staying civil and fighting igorance with intelligence, but every once in a while, I gotta let something out on some santimonious asshat... sorry. :oops: I'm going to ignore the guy from here on.

pjp wrote:

audiodef wrote:
ZOMG dude, thank you. Yes, and I can testify to that from very personal experience. I would rather have been beaten up than had my mind messed with.
I'm certainly no expert, but it seems like you've mentioned a key component in the cycle. The "don't hit a woman" mentality. I am by no means advocating doing so, but along with teaching that mindset, it seems likely to cause problems with how to deal with emotional & psychological abuse from women.


I actually have not considered that. You raise an interesting point. I'd be curious to see what other abused men think of this.
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PostPosted: Wed Dec 28, 2011 10:18 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

disi wrote:
That made me thinking if women have more partners during their lifetime than men? This would mean, that they probably also have less 'gaps' between relationships and therefore more opportunity to be abused?

They certainly have more opportunity, if there wasn't this society thing?
Well, they have to be in a relationship with someone else, so other than stereotypes of sexual conquest, I couldn't say if either gender has more relationships. It is easy to lean towards a belief that women are more often abused, but the key is in reporting. Women are ever more encouraged to report and escape abuse (good!), but that is not the case for men.

Men are likely to be scorned for even suggesting they might be abused -- see thread for example(s) -- not to mention the societal belief that it isn't plausible to happen. Except in the anomalous "extreme" case where the guy is some kind of weak or inept pitiful wretch. Which perpetuates the cycle of not reporting.

I'd also venture a wild ass guess that the nature or nurture role of protector in men is more likely to result in them not wanting to report the issue to protect their partner from punishment.

EDIT:

Oh, and that ignores the stereotype(?) of men not able to deal with or communicate their feelings.
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 29, 2011 2:07 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Last time I visited this thread, someone made me angry enough to forget what I intended to do.

I've purchased the domain "abusedmen.org" and it is now the URL of the site: http://abusedmen.org .
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 29, 2011 2:12 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

pjp wrote:
disi wrote:
That made me thinking if women have more partners during their lifetime than men? This would mean, that they probably also have less 'gaps' between relationships and therefore more opportunity to be abused?

They certainly have more opportunity, if there wasn't this society thing?
Well, they have to be in a relationship with someone else, so other than stereotypes of sexual conquest, I couldn't say if either gender has more relationships. It is easy to lean towards a belief that women are more often abused, but the key is in reporting. Women are ever more encouraged to report and escape abuse (good!), but that is not the case for men.

Men are likely to be scorned for even suggesting they might be abused -- see thread for example(s) -- not to mention the societal belief that it isn't plausible to happen. Except in the anomalous "extreme" case where the guy is some kind of weak or inept pitiful wretch. Which perpetuates the cycle of not reporting.

I'd also venture a wild ass guess that the nature or nurture role of protector in men is more likely to result in them not wanting to report the issue to protect their partner from punishment.

EDIT:

Oh, and that ignores the stereotype(?) of men not able to deal with or communicate their feelings.


You seem to know what the reality is. Can I ask if you have any experience with this, albeit indirectly? Please PM me if you'd like to answer this privately.
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 29, 2011 5:17 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I really don't have any direct experience. Most of it is just my perception, partly based on what I'm aware of regarding abused women, as well as the common problems seen in relationships with men & women. The topic of under reported abuse of men has been around for a long time. At least since the early 90s. I can't say for sure if I was aware of it in the 80s.
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 29, 2011 5:37 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

pjp wrote:
I really don't have any direct experience. Most of it is just my perception, partly based on what I'm aware of regarding abused women, as well as the common problems seen in relationships with men & women. The topic of under reported abuse of men has been around for a long time. At least since the early 90s. I can't say for sure if I was aware of it in the 80s.


Well, I'm glad you look around and think about things for yourself. :) There's not enough of that.
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PostPosted: Fri Dec 30, 2011 12:03 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

One of the biggest challenges for men who have survived domestic violence are the "reason-bullies". These are people - both men and women - who keep, on the surface, a calm demeanor and insist that since they do not believe that whatever happened to the survivor is not the norm, he should stop being a "victim" and move on. This usually works in conjunction with the fallacy of modern society to go along with sound bytes and mass media reporting that conveniently packages things into very small - and therefore inaccurate - views of reality as a whole.

Psychologically, I'd be interested in learning why people who deny the scope of DV to such an extent behave in this way. Are they themselves survivors of domestic violence and have internally denied it to such an extent that they prefer to eradicate the very thought of DV from their minds? Or perhaps they are simply the product of a mass-production fed media and believe that if the major media outlets do not say it is important, then it must not be.

You also have those who question survivors by doubting their powers of recall for any number of reasons (too long ago, you were under stress and therefore you're seeing it all wrong, and so on). I'm reasonably certain that people who have been raped weren't simply being asked on a date, freaked out, and reported it as rape.

It's of further interest that despite not being themselves DV survivors (unless they're hiding it deep within their psyches), these people are simply unable to allow others to pursue healing paths and continue to insist that their version of reality in which DV of the specified type does not happen is the correct reality.

However it works out for these people, it is a challenge that we will have before us for the foreseeable future.
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Last edited by audiodef on Fri Dec 30, 2011 12:09 am; edited 3 times in total
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PostPosted: Fri Dec 30, 2011 1:41 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I would like to express my appreciation for the support this topic has received so far (notwithstanding the lone troll). I've always found these forums to be populated with intelligent human beings, and that's something our species cannot do without. 8)
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 31, 2011 8:08 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Split off slonocode's tangent.
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PostPosted: Sun Jan 01, 2012 9:19 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

pjp wrote:
Split off slonocode's tangent.


That seems reasonable - thank you.
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PostPosted: Sun Jan 01, 2012 11:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

You're welcome. At a minimum, it had become a separate topic.
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