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Muso
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 14, 2013 4:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

A large jet plane crashed on a farm in the middle of rural Kentucky. Panic stricken, the local sheriff mobilized and descended on the farm in force. By the time they got there, the aircraft was totally destroyed with only a burned hull left, smoldering in a tree line that bordered the farm.

The sheriff and his men entered the smoking mess but could find no remains of anyone. They spotted the farmer plowing a field not too far away as if nothing had happened. They hurried over to the man's tractor. "Hank," the sheriff yelled, panting and out of breath.

"Did you see this terrible accident happen?" "Yep. Sure did," the farmer mumbled unconcerned, cutting off the tractor's engine. Do you realize that is Air Force One, the airplane of the President of the United States?" "Yep." "Were there any survivors?" "Nope. They's all kilt straight out, "the farmer answered. "I done buried them all myself. Took me most of the morning." "President Obama is dead?" the sheriff asked. "Well," the farmer grumbled, restarting his tractor.
"He kept a-saying he wasn't . . . But you know how bad that sumbitch lies.
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pjp
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 14, 2013 6:13 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

:lol: :lol: :lol:
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Butts McCokey
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 14, 2013 6:25 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

The Republicans. They're the biggest joke in the world. :P
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Muso
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 20, 2013 7:12 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

The Penis Study

The US government funded a study to see why the head of a man's penis was larger than the shaft. After 1 year and $180,000 they concluded that the reason why the head was larger was to give the man more pleasure during sex.

Not to be outdone, the French did their own study. After $250,000 and 3 years of research, they concluded that the reason why the head was larger than the shaft was to give the woman more pleasure during sex.

The Irish, unsatisfied with those findings, did their own study. After two weeks and a cost of about $75.46, and many pints of beer, they concluded that it was to keep a man's hand from flying off and hitting himself in the forehead.
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pjp
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 21, 2013 3:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Tell someone you love them today, because life is short. But shout it at them in German, because life is also terrifying and confusing.
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Muso
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 21, 2013 4:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

pjp wrote:
Tell someone you love them today, because life is short. But shout it at them in German, because life is also terrifying and confusing.


ICH LIEBE DICH!

:lol: :lol: :lol:
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notageek
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 21, 2013 6:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Or

te quiero puta
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BonezTheGoon
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 21, 2013 10:02 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Just got this in my email, thought it would amuse some and anger others. Seems like that is the point of OTW, so here you go . . .

Quote:
I love Christmas lights! They remind me of...
"the people who voted for Obama..."
They all hang together; half of them don't work,
and the ones that do, aren't all that bright!

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pjp wrote:
The greater evil is voting for the "lesser evil."
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Muso
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 21, 2013 10:39 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

BonezTheGoon wrote:
Just got this in my email, thought it would amuse some and anger others. Seems like that is the point of OTW, so here you go . . .

Quote:
I love Christmas lights! They remind me of...
"the people who voted for Obama..."
They all hang together; half of them don't work,
and the ones that do, aren't all that bright!


:lol: :lol: :lol:
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Bones McCracker
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PostPosted: Sat Nov 23, 2013 2:46 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

My son came to me the other day and told me he'd be thrown out of school for letting a girl give him a hand-job.

I said, "Son, that's two schools in just two years! Aren't you afraid that pretty soon they'll throw you out of teaching altogether?"
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Old School
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PostPosted: Sat Nov 23, 2013 2:59 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

:lol:
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Muso
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PostPosted: Sat Nov 23, 2013 3:00 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

:lol: :lol: :lol:
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patrix_neo
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PostPosted: Sat Nov 23, 2013 8:08 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

OMG...lol

My contribution:

The chauffeur of obama drove the president through the landscape of ohio...suddenly a pig surprised the chauffeur and he ran it over!
Obama pumped up and thought of all the media outlets.

- "Hurry! You have to tell the farmer what just happened!"

All said and done, The chauffeur steps out of the limo and walks up to the family house.

...time passes.
..More time passes..
Obama starts to get annoyed by the 'not anything happening'.
SUDDENLY the door to the porche of the farmers house bursts open. The chauffeur is out of the house...but...

The shirt is out of his trousers, he is holding a pave of champaigne in his hand, and are strolling down to the limo...
Finally there, Obama told him how late it was and how inappropriate he looked.

-"What the hell happened back when!?"

-"Oh" the chauffeur sais, "I was given a dinner and had my way with the farmers daughter. And they gave me all their blessings!..Sir".

-"What, why is that? We did kill a pig for him!"

-"Well, all I know is what I said, was; I am the chauffeur of Obama and I just ran over the pig".
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Muso
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PostPosted: Sat Nov 23, 2013 9:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

:lol: :lol: :lol:
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Bones McCracker
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PostPosted: Sat Nov 23, 2013 10:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Good one. :lol: :lol:
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notageek
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PostPosted: Sun Nov 24, 2013 2:22 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

:lol:

You do realize NSA is monitoring this forum, right?
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Muso
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PostPosted: Sun Nov 24, 2013 7:32 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

"I think it is just terrible and disgusting how everyone has treated Lance Armstrong, especially after what he achieved, winning 7 Tour De France races while on drugs.

When I was on drugs, I couldn't even find my bike" ~ Willie Nelson.
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pjp
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PostPosted: Sun Nov 24, 2013 11:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

:lol:

The worst part is that everyone else in contention was also on drugs. So, no, he didn't cheat, he was just better at not getting caught.
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Muso
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PostPosted: Mon Nov 25, 2013 12:29 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Indeed.


Annoyed by the professor of anatomy who liked to tell "naughty" stories during class, a group of female medical students decided that the next time he started to tell one, they would all rise and leave the room in protest.

The professor found out about their scheme just before class the following day. Halfway through the lecture, he said, "they say there is quite a shortage of prostitutes in France...." and he paused.

The girls looked at one another, arose and started for the door. "Young ladies," said the professor with a broad smile, "the next plane doesn't leave until tomorrow afternoon."
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pjp
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PostPosted: Mon Nov 25, 2013 1:37 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

:lol:
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Muso
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PostPosted: Mon Nov 25, 2013 2:38 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier.

He said to the female whale, "Lets both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink. They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank.

Soon the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore. The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female "lets swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore!"

At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him. "Look," she said, "I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen."
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notageek
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PostPosted: Mon Nov 25, 2013 4:45 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Muso wrote:
Indeed.


Annoyed by the professor of anatomy who liked to tell "naughty" stories during class, a group of female medical students decided that the next time he started to tell one, they would all rise and leave the room in protest.

The professor found out about their scheme just before class the following day. Halfway through the lecture, he said, "they say there is quite a shortage of prostitutes in France...." and he paused.

The girls looked at one another, arose and started for the door. "Young ladies," said the professor with a broad smile, "the next plane doesn't leave until tomorrow afternoon."
:lol:
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pjp
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PostPosted: Mon Nov 25, 2013 7:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Muso wrote:
At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him. "Look," she said, "I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen."
:groan:
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dwbowyer
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PostPosted: Tue Nov 26, 2013 10:53 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

pjp: What, you take issue with a woman that refuses to swallow?
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patrix_neo
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PostPosted: Tue Nov 26, 2013 7:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

notageek wrote:
:lol:

You do realize NSA is monitoring this forum, right?


Sorry for the late reply. I just thought since I've heard it first with Fredrik Reinfeldt in the story, the impact would be lacking in here.
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