M&M Duel

dreadlorde · Posted: Mon Sep 21, 2009 6:28 pm Post subject: M&M Duel

Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels.

Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them breaks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.

I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.

Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.

When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."

This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this "grant money." I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion.

There can be only one.
_________________
Ludwig von Mises Institute

Quote:

I am not to be a shepherd, I am not to be a grave-digger. No longer will I speak to the people; for the last time I have spoken to the dead.

dahranis · Apprentice Joined: 20 Jan 2006 Posts: 166

Your findings are most enlightening.
Please continue your efforts, and update us on your findings this weekend.
thank you

doubleagent · Guru Joined: 15 Apr 2005 Posts: 444 Location: 127.0.0.1

_________________

atrus123 · Posted: Mon Sep 21, 2009 6:39 pm Post subject:

Now I'm totally going to have to start doing this.
_________________
"I cannot support a movement that exploded spending and borrowing and blames its successor for the debt."
-Andrew Sullivan

Voltago · Posted: Mon Sep 21, 2009 6:54 pm Post subject: Re: M&M Duel

One of these days a master race of the brown M&Ms will rise, enslave us all, let us fight for their amusement, and have the losers as a rather unhealthy snack. Luckily, astronauts from the past will overthrow them at some point in the future, ushering in a new age where man and M&M will coexist in harmony. You have been warned.

chrismcdirty · Posted: Mon Sep 21, 2009 7:26 pm Post subject:

Is this a dupe? It sounds very familiar to me, but I can't be bothered to try to search OTW for all mentions of duels or M&Ms.

sts · Tux's lil' helper Joined: 02 Jul 2007 Posts: 97

It's not a "dupe", it is one of those joke emails that gets passed around.

poly_poly-man · Posted: Mon Sep 21, 2009 9:17 pm Post subject:

lies... everyone knows that M&M's were created by the higher power at Mars, inc. What you're doing is completely sacrilegious.
_________________
iVBORw0KGgoAAAANSUhEUgAAA

avatar: new version of logo - see topic 838248. Potentially still a WiP.

energyman76b · Advocate Joined: 26 Mar 2003 Posts: 2005 Location: Germany

one question - is there are corellation between the 'up' and 'down' M&M (or left&right)? Has the finger touching the M&M any influence on its survivability?
_________________

Etal · Veteran Joined: 15 Jul 2005 Posts: 1467

Old copypasta is old.
_________________
“And even in authoritarian countries, information networks are helping people discover new facts and making governments more accountable.”– Hillary Clinton, Jan. 21, 2010

doubleagent · Guru Joined: 15 Apr 2005 Posts: 444 Location: 127.0.0.1

poly_poly-man · Posted: Mon Sep 21, 2009 9:49 pm Post subject:

also, lame because NJ is 07xxx-08xxx, 17xxx sounds like NYS or elsewhere...
_________________
iVBORw0KGgoAAAANSUhEUgAAA

avatar: new version of logo - see topic 838248. Potentially still a WiP.

chrismcdirty · Posted: Tue Sep 22, 2009 1:30 pm Post subject:

cokehabit · Advocate Joined: 23 Apr 2004 Posts: 3302

"There can be only one..." Highlander M&M?

kernelOfTruth · Posted: Tue Sep 22, 2009 2:18 pm Post subject:

big dave · Posted: Tue Sep 22, 2009 2:26 pm Post subject:

i used to do this when i was little... the whole m&m battle. however, i never mailed the winner to mars inc. that's a little awkward.

i suspect that current m&ms would get obliterated by m&ms from a few years ago. most candy manufacturers have changed their recipes to make the cheapest possible piece that the focus group still approves. and if you look at what appears to be chocolate products on the candy aisle, usually they can't even legally call it "milk chocolate" anymore because the main ingredients are now usually HFCS and vegetable oil. they call it "chocolate flavored" or "chocolate candy".