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Muso
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PostPosted: Mon Feb 11, 2013 10:52 pm    Post subject: Worst pizza ever? Reply with quote

Pizza Hut's shrimp tempura, mayo, and hotdog pizza tastes as heinous as it looks

Quote:
As Shanghaiist's food editor I've eaten my share of WTF eats from fermented fish to yak penis. None did I dread trying more than the Pizza Hut special, a pie with shrimp tempura, steamed shrimp, squid rings, fish cakes, pineapple, wasabi mayonnaise, and a hot dog-stuffed crust (73RMB), now available at all China outlets!

And it tastes as terrifying as it sounds, the most hideous pairing of ingredients since The Human Centipede. It's a horrible hydra of fast food; you finish off the greasy shrimp tempura and squid rings and funky fish cakes and overripe pineapple spring up in their places. There's no flavor cohesion. The pineapple's tang, the tempura's rancidity, the squid's funk, and the sinus-scorching zing of the wasabi-mayonnaise all clash in your mouth, vying to see who can trigger the gag reflex first.

The only things salvageable are the hotdogs poking up from in the crust, which act as little escape pods that can break off uncontaminated by the clusterfuck in the center. And they're no prize. After failing to finish the "asspie," I unquit smoking just to get the taste out of my mouth.

Maybe I sound unfair, even a dash culturally-insensitive considering what I may dub odd flavor pairings - ie. Lays Pepsi-chicken or lobster-cheese chips - are not considered odd in China. And when I asked around Shanghai for people's thoughts on the pie, they regarded it like I would the average BBQ burger special at Burger King, and not a punchline like the similarly grotesque Doughnut Burger is in the US. Some even said it was delicious.

However, usually I can appreciate the cultural/medicinal significance of foods I dislike such as century eggs or snake bile liquor and understand how different people could like their tastes. Even the Lays' flavors strangely make sense once in your mouth. Pizza hut's pie was pure anarchy, the straw that finally imploded the camel's taste buds.

It does offer insight on how foreign food chains have to adjust their foodstuffs to the local palate to make inroads in China. I just hope in the future they do it more in the spirit of Starbuck's' green tea latte and less like this sarlacc in pizza form.


That is the best food review I've ever read!
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pjp
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PostPosted: Mon Feb 11, 2013 11:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Worst pizza ever? Pizza Hut was the first that came to mind.

lol @ unquit smoking and sarlacc.
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Bones McCracker
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 12, 2013 2:23 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Great article.
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 12, 2013 2:31 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

The beauty of good pizza is its simplicity.

(1) fresh, yeasty dough

(2) mozarella

(3) the key ingredient: a big heap of really excellent tomatoes (like sungold)

Bake in a blisteringly hot oven. That's it. OK maybe some salt, pepper, and fresh basil, but that's all.

Seriously: get hold of some rich, sweet tomatoes, and it all starts to make sense.
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 12, 2013 2:37 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sounds yummy.
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 12, 2013 5:40 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

BoneKracker wrote:
Great article.


I thought so. The writing was so good I decided that my deranged OTW family would also appreciate it.
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 12, 2013 6:42 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Shrimp and hotdog? I have a name for that, "The Weiner Snatch Pizza".
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PostPosted: Thu Feb 14, 2013 5:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

http://i.imgur.com/YYLZa.gif
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PostPosted: Thu Feb 14, 2013 6:47 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

How about anchovies? I found that many pizza places in the USA don't have them on the menu, but they do serve them on pizza if you ask.
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PostPosted: Thu Feb 14, 2013 7:17 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

wildhorse wrote:
How about anchovies? I found that many pizza places in the USA don't have them on the menu, but they do serve them on pizza if you ask.


Delicious.
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PostPosted: Thu Feb 14, 2013 9:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

wah_wah_69 wrote:
http://i.imgur.com/YYLZa.gif

That's excellent. :lol: :lol:
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PostPosted: Thu Feb 14, 2013 9:17 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

wildhorse wrote:
How about anchovies? I found that many pizza places in the USA don't have them on the menu, but they do serve them on pizza if you ask.

If they don't have them on the menu, don't ask for them, because they've probably been fermenting and festering up a yeast infection in some open container on the back of the food preparation counter for the last two weeks.
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PostPosted: Thu Feb 14, 2013 9:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

BoneKracker wrote:
wildhorse wrote:
How about anchovies? I found that many pizza places in the USA don't have them on the menu, but they do serve them on pizza if you ask.

If they don't have them on the menu, don't ask for them, because they've probably been fermenting and festering up a yeast infection in some open container on the back of the food preparation counter for the last two weeks.


sounds like anchovis proper.
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PostPosted: Thu Feb 14, 2013 10:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

BoneKracker wrote:
wah_wah_69 wrote:
http://i.imgur.com/YYLZa.gif

That's excellent. :lol: :lol:


++

Agreed.
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PostPosted: Thu Feb 14, 2013 10:30 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

energyman76b wrote:
BoneKracker wrote:
wildhorse wrote:
How about anchovies? I found that many pizza places in the USA don't have them on the menu, but they do serve them on pizza if you ask.

If they don't have them on the menu, don't ask for them, because they've probably been fermenting and festering up a yeast infection in some open container on the back of the food preparation counter for the last two weeks.


sounds like anchovis proper.


That's the proper way to handle them :-)

Those are the right anchovis for a proper pizza:
http://www.agricoltura.regione.campania.it/tipici/tradizionali/acciughe-sotto-sale.jpg
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