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How To Steal The Space Shuttle
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Muso
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PostPosted: Sat Oct 06, 2012 9:23 pm    Post subject: How To Steal The Space Shuttle Reply with quote

How To Steal The Space Shuttle: A Step-By-Step Guide

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Yesterday morning I was at the California Science Center's press conference outlining their plan to drag a massive spaceship across Los Angeles. It was one of those times where logistics can make even the most outlandish plans seem boring, as they went over schedules and road closures and the like. While they were describing the locations where Endeavour would be stopped for viewing or technical reasons, I realized that this was the most exposed this priceless spaceship will ever be. Which, of course, got me thinking. Could someone steal the Space Shuttle?

The LAPD officers in charge of the security portion of the massive moving project were there, but it was pretty clear their responsibilities had to do with keeping people and the city safe, not protecting the Shuttle from theft. I asked both officers if they thought, given Bond supervillian-levels of resources, it would be possible for someone to steal the shuttle.

They made two mistakes in their answers. First mistake was that the first cop told me it was "impossible." The second mistake was that the other policeman told me "I won't say impossible." Now it sounds like a challenge.


Details in TFA
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wildhorse
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PostPosted: Sat Oct 06, 2012 9:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I was about to follow all steps in the cited Step-By-Step Guide. But I am a bit concerned about the missing steps 8 (launch without blowing up) and 9 (land without falling apart).
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PostPosted: Sat Oct 06, 2012 10:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

as long as there is warm weather you should be save.
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PostPosted: Sat Oct 06, 2012 10:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I just got caught with the title!
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PostPosted: Sat Oct 06, 2012 11:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

wildhorse wrote:
I was about to follow all steps in the cited Step-By-Step Guide. But I am a bit concerned about the missing steps 8 (launch without blowing up) and 9 (land without falling apart).

Shuttle had a better safety record than does Soyuz.
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McGruff
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PostPosted: Sun Oct 07, 2012 12:17 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I've got a better plan.

Stop the convoy somewhere announcing that Mitt Romney is here and wants to make a speech. Let "Romney" (actually a hired look-alike) waffle on about taxes for half an hour or so, until everyone has drifted away. You need to time this right so that, when the real Romney arrives, there's no-one else around. Tell him you're very sorry but nobody turned up so the speech has been cancelled - this could get tricky. To Romney, it's perfectly normal to give speeches to empty halls but it's essential he doesn't get out of the car! He could take a bit of convincing but you've got to keep him talking while you strap the shuttle to the roof. If he hears the odd thump just tell him the dog fell off and don't worry sir we're fixing that for you right now.

Finally, tell Romney, your getaway driver, that they're giving away free tax cuts and gold in Mexico/Canada/wherever you want him to deliver the goods, and watch him race away in a cloud of smoke and screaming tyres. You could try to tag along behind at a safe distance but you'd need a very fast car to keep up so I'd recommend you just relax and take a plane to the rendezvous. Don't worry, he'll make it. I mean, imagine you were a cop answering 911 calls about a wide-eyed, red-faced Romney tearing down the road with a space shuttle strapped to the roof, teeth bared in a grimace of lust, bellowing "gold!" "gold!" "GOLD!"... You'd think it was some kinda crowd-sourced prank. No way would you call it in.

When Romney arrives at the destination, dispatch him with an electric eel, dump the body in a ditch somewhere, and you're now the proud owner of a space shuttle.
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PostPosted: Sun Oct 07, 2012 1:04 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

mcgruff wrote:
I've got a better plan.
<snip>


Pathetic. Even in a humorous, completely nonpolitical thread you have to pollute it with your political garbage.
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PostPosted: Sun Oct 07, 2012 4:06 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm sorry if you were offended but an electric eel is a humane killer. He wouldn't feel a thing.
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ichbinsisyphos
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PostPosted: Sun Oct 07, 2012 4:27 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Why steal the Space Shuttle if you can have the same experience much easier if you just pour gasoline over yourself and light a match?
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Muso
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PostPosted: Sun Oct 07, 2012 5:15 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

mcgruff wrote:
I'm sorry if you were offended but an electric eel is a humane killer.


No, I was offended by your polluting of a humorous thread with your Obama cult mentality. Just suspend that kool-aid drinker every so often... for example, in a nonpolitical thread.

ffs, ichbin's post was hella funny.
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PostPosted: Sun Oct 07, 2012 5:56 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

ichbinsisyphos wrote:
Why steal the Space Shuttle if you can have the same experience much easier if you just pour gasoline over yourself and light a match?

Sounds like a Challenge.
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energyman76b
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PostPosted: Sun Oct 07, 2012 5:58 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Muso wrote:
mcgruff wrote:
I've got a better plan.
<snip>


Pathetic. Even in a humorous, completely nonpolitical thread you have to pollute it with your political garbage.


so, only you, pjp and BK are allowed to do it?
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Libertardian denial of reality is wholly unimpressive and unconvincing, and simply serves to demonstrate what a bunch of delusional fools they all are.

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PostPosted: Sun Oct 07, 2012 6:02 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Why steal a space shuttle?
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PostPosted: Sun Oct 07, 2012 6:02 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

energyman76b, I believe that this belongs to you.
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PostPosted: Sun Oct 07, 2012 10:22 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

You'd probably have a better chance of stealing the pillars from the white house. The shuttle isn't exactly something you can stuff in your pocket and leg it.
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you experience political reality dilation when travelling at american political speeds. it's in einstein's formulas. it's not their fault.
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PostPosted: Mon Oct 08, 2012 3:10 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

It could be done.

Make three or four really big bombs or bio-weapons, hide them in cities, blow one up, demand delivery of Space Shuttle to airstrip (location TBA after launch).

Set another one off because they're screwing you around and taking too long.
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PostPosted: Mon Oct 08, 2012 3:29 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Speaking of space and Bond villains, are there any decent movies involving terrorists or similar villains launching stuff into (or taking over stuff already in) space? I don't mean death rays, but something a bit more realistic.
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PostPosted: Mon Oct 08, 2012 3:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

http://youtu.be/GiWQZhUmmRw
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PostPosted: Mon Oct 08, 2012 6:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I should know better than to follow OTW links at work! :lol:
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PostPosted: Mon Oct 08, 2012 6:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Muso wrote:
energyman76b, I believe that this belongs to you.


your last straw because truth hurts?
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AidanJT wrote:

Libertardian denial of reality is wholly unimpressive and unconvincing, and simply serves to demonstrate what a bunch of delusional fools they all are.

Satan's got perfectly toned abs and rocks a c-cup.
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